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Dear Marcus: Stop Buying Loud Plastic Toys and Read This
Dear Marcus of exactly six months ago, It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. You're standing in the dark hallway of your Portland bungalow, clutching a lukewarm bottle of formula, staring at a flashing plastic boombox toy that's aggressively singing "I'M...
WinterfuΓsack Kinderwagen Lammfell: A Tech Dad's Honest Review
Dear Marcus from six months ago. It's currently 3:14 AM in October, and Portland is aggressively gray outside. I'm staring at the glow of an Excel spreadsheet where you attempted to map out a synthetic polyester layering system based on...
Ditching the Plastic Jumper for a Real Montessori Activity Space
I was sitting on my incredibly stained living room rug at 6:15 AM wearing yesterdayβs maternity leggingsβthe ones with the hole in the left kneeβclutching my third mug of desperately black coffee, while my firstborn, Leo, aggressively bounced in what...
Why that rainbow baby blanket stayed completely out of our crib
I was staring at a pile of crumpled tissue paper in my mother-in-law's living room when I finally unwrapped it. It was a rainbow blanket, heavy and soft, knitted by an auntie who knew exactly what my previous year had...
Why I Was Completely Wrong About Rasseln FΓΌr Babys As A New Dad
It was Tuesday at roughly 4:12 PM, and my living room looked like a warehouse explosion at a brightly colored plastics factory. I was sitting on the rug holding a neon green plastic hippo. I shook it. It emitted a...
The 3 AM bunny and blanket crisis that broke me
My hands were elbow-deep in a hamper of sour-smelling sleep sacks at three in the morning. The radiator in our Chicago apartment was making that metallic rhythmic clanking sound it always makes when it drops below zero outside. From the...
The Big Secret About Baby Conditioner With No Alcohol Labels
I'm currently sitting on a damp bath mat that smells vaguely of mildew, squinting at the tiny print on a plastic bottle while my four-year-old tries to make a pirate beard out of toxic-looking blue bubbles. He is my oldest,...
Debugging infant sniffles: My search for an allergie bettdecke
It's 3:14 AM and I'm watching the infrared feed on the baby monitor like a security guard waiting for a museum heist. The audio feed is just a continuous, wet, whistling sound. My eleven-month-old sounds exactly like our espresso machine...
Debugging Cold Walks: FuΓsack fΓΌr Kinderwagen Winter Guide
It was forty-two degrees in Portland, the wind was doing that miserable sideways misting thing, and I was sweating profusely while trying to compress what looked like a tiny, furious Michelin Man into a stroller seat designed for a normal...