Magazine

Tired Portland dad soothing his crying ruka baby monster with a plush toy

The Ruka Baby Monster Error: Troubleshooting 2 AM Meltdowns

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, raining sideways against our Portland apartment windows, and I was actively bleeding from my left collarbone. My 11-month-old daughter had bypassed crying entirely and escalated straight to physical violence. I was holding her...

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Tired dad holding a crying 11-month-old baby while looking at a laptop screen

Troubleshooting The Baby Come Back Phase Without Losing Your Mind

2:14 PM. Portland is doing that misty drizzle thing outside where it's not quite raining but you still get entirely wet. I've stepped exactly 3.4 feet away from the playmat to grab my lukewarm coffee from the side table. I...

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A dad holding two muddy toddlers wearing mixed organic and fast fashion basics

The Truth About Old Navy Baby Clothes and Toddler Mud

Don't, under any circumstances, dress two newly-mobile toddlers in matching cream linen rompers for a casual stroll through a damp London park in November. I did this exactly once, under the tragic, sleep-deprived delusion that I could maintain my pre-kids...

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An 11 month old baby boy stuck in the corner of a living room

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner: A Dad's Guide To The Reverse Gear

It was exactly 6:14 PM, the thermostat was holding steady at 68.5 degrees, and I was watching my 11-month-old son slowly reverse himself into the precise 90-degree angle where the drywall meets the glass sliding door. He looked like a...

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Baby attempting reverse gear crawl on living room floor

When Do Babies Start To Crawl? A Letter To My Clueless Past Self

Hey Marcus from six months ago. I know you're currently enjoying the stationary phase where you can set the kid down on the rug, go make an espresso, and return to find him occupying the exact same coordinate space. Enjoy...

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A six month old baby doing the wobbly tripod sit on a playmat while holding a teether

The Messy Truth About When Your Baby Finally Learns to Sit Up

I was sitting on the cold linoleum floor of a slightly damp church basement wearing yoga pants that hadn’t seen a yoga studio since Obama was in office, staring at a six-month-old named... Brayden? Jayden? Let's go with Jayden. Jayden...

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A safe nursery setup featuring a padded leather playmat on the floor

That Viral Baby Catch Video Is Fake But Gravity Is Very Real

I was three hours deep into a TikTok scrolling paralysis on the nursery glider when I saw it. My toddler had finally surrendered to sleep, his breath doing that weird, uneven newborn rattle, and my screen was flashing a story...

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Dad wiping lentil puree off twin babies faces in highchairs

The Great Lentil Smear: Iron Rich Foods for Babies Explained

I'm currently standing in my kitchen, staring at a beige splatter on the ceiling that used to be a highly nutritious, iron-fortified chicken and white bean puree, wondering where my journalism career went so spectacularly wrong. Twin A (Florence) is...

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A baby standing holding a wooden push cart on a hardwood floor

The Great Wheeled Walker Delusion (And What We Do Instead)

My mother-in-law proudly dragged it out of her attic last Tuesday like she was presenting me with the Holy Grail of parenting. It was a plastic, UFO-looking contraption with eight swiveling casters, a faded sticker of a bear, and a...

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