The 3AM Cot Politician: Surviving the Baby Sleep Regression Ages
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. The rain is lashing against our bedroom window in that specifically spiteful London way, and I'm standing in the dark watching my daughter Alice perform a flawless impression of a miniature, furious politician. She...
How I Survived the Chaos of Measuring Tiny Feet
I'm currently holding a tiny, pristine canvas high-top in one hand and my daughter Mayaβs fiercely clenched foot in the other. She is looking at me with the deep, pitying expression of someone watching a dog try to do long...
A dad's honest survival guide to baby poop colors and nappies
My mother-in-law told me mustard yellow means they're digesting their milk perfectly. The NCT instructor casually mentioned that anything even slightly green requires immediate, intensive medical intervention. And a bloke at our local pubβwho freely admitted he hasn't held a...
Who Are The Baby Monster Members? (From K-Pop To Toddler Tantrums)
Yesterday at a Sunday pub roast, over a sticky table covered in mashed peas, I casually mentioned we were dealing with a massive "baby monster" situation at home. I received three entirely contradictory pieces of advice in the span of...
Why I Put Down the Baby Melatonin (And What Actually Worked)
It was 3:14 in the morning on a Tuesday, and I was standing in the kitchen in my boxer shorts, staring into the harsh blue light of my phone. The kettle had gone cold an hour ago. Upstairs, Twin A...
The Absolute Panic Over Baby Lips During a Harsh London Winter
It's exactly 6:14 am on a Tuesday, and I'm staring at my daughterβs face under the harsh, unforgiving glow of my phone's flashlight. Outside, the London winter is doing that thing where it isn't actually snowing but the damp air...
Dear Past Tom: What To Know Before You Walk Into A Bambi Baby Store
You're currently sitting in the driver's seat of the Ford Focus, sweating quite profoundly through your favorite grey jumper, staring through the glass front of the bambi baby store like it's an active crime scene you've been asked to clean...
Singing 'Be My Baby' Lyrics At 3AM Saved My Paternal Sanity
Itβs 3:14 AM on a damp Tuesday in Walthamstow, and my twin girls have decided to form a heavy metal screaming choir. Florence is handling the high-pitched falsetto, while Matilda is providing a guttural, terrifying bass that frankly shouldn't be...
The Coughing Baby Survival Guide: From Panic To Grudging Acceptance
I'm standing in our minuscule London bathroom at half past three in the morning, completely fully clothed, with the shower running at maximum heat. The room is so thick with steam that the mirror is dripping onto the toothpaste tube,...