Magazine

A tired mom holding a lukewarm coffee next to a newborn in a penguin blanket near a Christmas tree.

That Christmas Baby Please Come Home Year (Letter To Past Me)

Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting in the driver's seat of our crusty Honda Pilot, parked outside a CVS in what can only be described as a disrespectful amount of snow, aggressively crying into a lukewarm...

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Confused dad holding a red holiday onesie while listening to eartha kitt santa baby

Troubleshooting the Santa Baby Holiday Aesthetic

Last Tuesday at exactly 6:14 PM, I found myself locked in a physical struggle with a miniature velvet suit. My 11-month-old daughter was screaming like I'd just permanently uninstalled her favorite game, and my wife was standing in the doorway...

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Frustrated dad holding a noisy plastic toy while an 11-month-old baby sleeps

A Portland Dad's Honest Guide to Picking Gifts for Infants

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday when our system completely crashed. My son had just executed a flawless, database-corrupting diaper blowout, and my wife and I were running on maybe ninety total minutes of fragmented sleep. The nursery thermostat...

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A small plastic figurine sitting next to a slice of colorful frosted pastry on a wooden table.

Debugging The King Cake Baby Hazard: A Warning To My Past Self

Dear Marcus of six months ago: Put the fork down. Back away from the pastry. I know exactly where you're right now. You're sitting at the kitchen island in the Portland rain, staring at a slice of aggressively colored purple,...

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Mother laughing while her baby plays with a simple wooden toy under the tree

Surviving Baby's First Christmas (Without Losing Your Mind)

I was on my hands and knees under the dining room table at six in the morning, trying to fish a soggy clump of metallic green wrapping paper out of my oldest son's throat while he screamed like a banshee....

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A very tired mom drinking cold coffee while her baby pulls a shiny red ornament off a messy Christmas tree.

That Santa Baby Kim Kardashian Video vs Our Real Holiday Chaos

I was standing dead in the center of my mother-in-law's aggressively pine-scented living room in December 2017, wearing a pair of black maternity leggings that still had a crusty white streak of spit-up down the left thigh, clutching a mug...

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Exhausted mom holding a sleeping baby wearing earmuffs on New Year's Eve

Surviving Baby’s First New Year's Eve Without Losing Your Mind

I spent my oldest son’s first New Year’s Eve sitting on the tile floor of our guest bathroom in the pitch black, violently shushing him while my husband stuffed rolled-up towels under the door frame. Jackson was barely seven months...

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A tiny plush elf doll sitting next to an 11-month-old infant who looks completely bewildered.

Debugging the Holiday Magic: Our First Baby Elf Setup

"Put it on the mantle so he knows Santa is watching," my mother told me on Thanksgiving, handing me a felt doll with suspicious eyes and unnaturally long limbs. "Don't bring that surveillance state psychological warfare into your home," my...

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Baby in a soft green organic cotton long sleeve romper playing on a rug

A Nurse's Guide to the Infant Holiday Wardrobe Trap

My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last December holding a miniature polyester tuxedo complete with a clip-on bowtie and tiny suspenders. She fully expected my four-month-old to wear this structural engineering marvel to our family dinner. I spent five...

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