Magazine

baby weighthumourlondon dadmillennialorganictwins
A tired father staring blankly at a digital baby weighing scale on a table.

A Letter to Past Me: Stop Panicking About Normal Baby Weight

Dear Tom from two years ago, currently sweating through a grey marl t-shirt in Room 4 of the local NHS clinic. You're sitting in a plastic chair that's somehow both sticky and cold, balancing two identical infant car seats on...

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baby teethinghumourinfant caremillennialorganic baby clothes
Teething baby chewing on a silicone sushi toy while wearing a soft organic cotton outfit to manage excessive drool.

Lil Baby Drip Too Hard: A Mom's Guide to Drool and Outfits

I was elbow-deep in a blowout that had somehow breached the diaper barrier and traveled all the way up my youngest son's back when my fifteen-year-old nephew strolled into the living room. He stopped dead in his tracks, stared at...

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Tired dad holding a coffee mug and looking confused at his phone

The jason lee and tiffany haddish baby rumour broke my brain

Whatever you do, don't look at celebrity Instagram accounts at three in the morning while one of your two-year-olds is actively trying to dismantle a stair gate with a plastic spoon. I made this massive mistake last August, which is...

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baby nameshumourlondon dadmillennialmotherhoodneutral
Tired dad holding a coffee and staring blankly at a baby name book

Dear Past Tom: The Utter Chaos of Choosing Italian Monikers

Dear Past Tom (specifically, the deeply naive version of me from roughly six months ago who confidently volunteered to help my sister-in-law pick out an Italian moniker for her upcoming arrival), You're currently hunched over a lukewarm flat white in...

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1-month-oldbabybaby skinhealthhumourparenting
Exhausted dad staring suspiciously at a red hemangioma mark on his baby's shoulder.

The Absurd Reality of Raising a Hemangioma Baby (And Not Dying)

If you ever find yourself holding your phone's flashlight inches from your sleeping infant's shoulder at three in the morning while furiously typing "rapidly growing bright red lump" into a search engine, just shut the laptop and go to sleep,...

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baby boomersboundarieseco-friendlygrandparentshumourparenting
Tired dad holding twins while a grandparent waves a noisy plastic toy.

What Is A Baby Boomer? A Survival Guide to Modern Grandparents

Don't, under any circumstances, pull up a PDF from the NHS while your father is trying to demonstrate how to properly swaddle an infant using a terrifyingly thick, incredibly scratchy polyester quilt from 1982. I did this during our first...

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4-month-oldbabyfatherhoodhumourmillennialorganic clothing
A dad holding twin baby girls covered in mashed sweet potato

Why raising a gentle lady baby is an absolute, hilarious myth

I'm standing in the kitchen at 3:14 AM, wearing a dressing gown that hasn't seen a washing machine since Tuesday, trying to negotiate with a tiny human who has somehow managed to get pureed carrot inside her own ear canal....

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baby girlbaby nameshumourlondon dadparenting tips
Exhausted dad holding twin baby girls while looking at a name list

The Great 3AM Hunt for Baby Girl Names Starting With V

The glow of the laptop screen at three in the morning is a uniquely hostile type of light, especially when it’s illuminating a spreadsheet containing seventy-four potential names for a human being you haven't even met yet. Outside our London...

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baby clothesbaby showerhumourparenthoodpregnancy tips
A dad holding up a tiny baby shower outfit looking entirely confused.

What to wear to a baby shower when nothing fits (a survival guide)

Sarah was wedged inside a floral maternity dress that had, seemingly overnight, transformed from breezy summer elegance into a highly restrictive sausage casing. It was mid-July, she was thirty-two weeks pregnant with the twins, and our own baby shower was...

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