Why I Stopped Freezing My Chengbao Baby Silicone Ball Teether
The rain was hitting the windows of our Portland duplex at 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I found myself standing in the kitchen illuminated only by the blue digital glow of the refrigerator panel. In my left hand, I...
What To Do When The Baby Zombie Phase Actually Ruins Your Sleep
Listen. It was a quarter past three on a Tuesday when I realized my apartment was under a coordinated siege by two entirely different types of the undead. My husband and my older kid were huddled over an iPad in...
How to Spot Real Baby Teething Symptoms (Without Losing Your Mind)
I was standing barefoot on the cold kitchen linoleum at 3:14 AM wearing a milk-stained baby tee from high school that had definitely seen better days, letting my six-month-old aggressively gnaw on my left index knuckle. My husband was practically...
Dear Past Marcus: A Warning About The Teething Firmware Update
Right now, you're sitting on the edge of the nursery rug in the dark. It's 2:14 AM. The baby is screaming with the intensity of a dial-up modem connecting to a bad server, and you're holding a digital thermometer that...
Why You Shouldn't Google Deep Throat Baby Lyrics
Dear Marcus of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the closed toilet lid at 3:14 AM, basking in the harsh fluorescent bathroom light, trying to decode a snippet of audio you just heard on some teenager's TikTok downstairs. You're...
Debugging Sleep, Typos, and the Baby Saja x Reader Incident
My thumb slipped off the glass screen of my phone at exactly 3:14 AM, smearing a streak of organic pear puree across the search bar while my 11-month-old daughter attempted to burrow her entire head into my left armpit. She...
Searching For A Plug In Baby: The Truth About Newborn Soothing
It was Tuesday, somewhere around 3:14 AM, and I was standing in the middle of our dark nursery wearing my husband Dave’s stained college sweatpants, smelling entirely like sour milk and absolute defeat. Leo was two weeks old and he...
Why We Threw Out Our Teething Tablets (And What Actually Works)
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. The crib sheet was basically a swamp of drool, and I was frantically swiping through my phone with my left thumb while bouncing a screaming 6-month-old on my right hip. My brain was...
Lil Baby Drip Too Hard: A Mom's Guide to Drool and Outfits
I was elbow-deep in a blowout that had somehow breached the diaper barrier and traveled all the way up my youngest son's back when my fifteen-year-old nephew strolled into the living room. He stopped dead in his tracks, stared at...