What I wish I knew about raising our baby with Down syndrome
Hey man. It’s Marcus. Or rather, it’s you, exactly six months in the future. I know exactly what you’re doing right now. You’re sitting in the blue glow of the humidifier at 3:17 AM, holding your phone six inches from...
Dear Past Marcus: A Warning About The Teething Firmware Update
Right now, you're sitting on the edge of the nursery rug in the dark. It's 2:14 AM. The baby is screaming with the intensity of a dial-up modem connecting to a bad server, and you're holding a digital thermometer that...
Why The Way We Do Baby Talk Actually Matters
Standing in the H-E-B checkout line back in 2019, I was balancing my oldest son on my hip while digging for my wallet, doing that incredibly high-pitched, brain-melting nonsense voice we all fall into. "Does my widdle smoosh-smoosh want his...
Decoding the True Meaning of Baby (And Other Strange Slang)
I just had to explain the concept of nepotism over FaceTime while my 11-month-old attempted to eat a rogue USB-C cable. My mother-in-law had seen some hashtag on Twitter and wanted to know what the kids were talking about, which...
Normal Baby Weight at Birth: A Letter to My Terrified Past Self
Dear Tom from six months ago. You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo at a family barbecue, trying to field questions from your brother-in-law about what constitutes a normal baby weight. His wife is being induced on Tuesday, and you're...
Max Verstappen Baby Quotes and the Packaged Chicken Problem
My mother-in-law told me I had to hold the baby firmly against my left pectoral so she could sync to my heartbeat like a Bluetooth device. My senior developer Slack-messaged me to keep the baby elevated at exactly a 45-degree...
Raising a Lil Baby Son: Hip-Hop Myths and the Messy Reality
My mate Dave invited me over last Tuesday to meet his newborn, and within four minutes of crossing the threshold, he proudly showed me the tiny, immaculate pair of Air Jordans he’d bought for his three-week-old child. The cultural expectation...
When Do Babies Finally Start Holding Their Own Bottles?
Dear Tom of eighteen months ago. You're currently sitting on the IKEA armchair that smells faintly of sour milk and big defeat, a twin wedged in the crook of each arm. You're trying to balance two plastic bottles using your...
The Strange Toddler Phase Of Acting Like A Lost Feline
It's precisely 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm standing in my kitchen wearing a dressing gown that smells faintly of sour milk and defeat, watching my daughter Florence enthusiastically lick the skirting board. Her twin sister, Matilda, is aggressively...