Dear past Priya: The brutal reality of the circus baby phase
Listen. It's Tuesday night, you're sitting in the dark of our cramped Chicago living room, and the baby finally went down after forty-five minutes of heavy rocking. You're holding a lukewarm mug of chai, staring at the harsh glow of...
Dear Past Me: The Great Clash Royale Dragon Emote Code Chaos
Dear Sarah of Last October, You're currently standing in the kitchen in those gray Lululemon leggings—the ones with the mysterious bleach stain on the left thigh that you keep swearing you'll throw away but never do. It's, like, 6:43 AM...
Is Boss Baby Back in Business Ruining My Kid? A Dad's Log
It was exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my apartment smelled faintly of day-old breastmilk and sheer desperation. My wife, Sarah, had left the state for a 48-hour work conference, leaving me as the sole systems administrator for our...
Parenting In The Digital Age And The Terrifying Teen Timeline
My mom told me over FaceTime yesterday that the foolproof solution to internet safety is to simply hand my daughter a flip phone when she turns sixteen and strictly refuse to acknowledge the existence of wifi until she graduates college....
The Truth About Finding a Good Baby TV Show (And When To Turn It Off)
I was wedged tight between a bulk box of Etsy shipping mailers and a half-empty bag of stale Goldfish crackers, holding my breath in the pantry so my toddler wouldn't hear me existing. Out in the living room, my oldest—who...
Why Your Screaming Newborn Is Basically A Hairless Baby Toucan
I spent three solid months before my oldest was born painting his nursery the perfect shade of 'oatmeal' and buying tiny, stiff linen button-downs that cost more than my weekly grocery budget. My oldest kid is basically a walking cautionary...
Why The Way We Do Baby Talk Actually Matters
Standing in the H-E-B checkout line back in 2019, I was balancing my oldest son on my hip while digging for my wallet, doing that incredibly high-pitched, brain-melting nonsense voice we all fall into. "Does my widdle smoosh-smoosh want his...
Do cats lose baby teeth? A nurse's guide to teething
It was 4 a.m. in our Chicago apartment, the radiators were hissing, and I was walking barefoot to the kitchen for a bottle. I stepped on something sharp. My first thought was a rogue Lego, but the pain was too...
Why Family Ties Baby Keem Is Wrecking Your Smart Speaker
My mom swore that piping classical Mozart into the nursery would turn my kids into literal baby Einsteins, bless her heart. My oldest kid's preschool teacher insisted we stick exclusively to acoustic farm animal songs if we wanted decent behavioral...