Why the Baby Driver Actor Made Me Rethink Infant Safety
Dear Marcus from six months ago. I know exactly what you're doing right now. It's 3 AM in our Portland living room. You've logged exactly 3.4 hours of heavily fragmented sleep, and you're currently acting as a human mattress for...
Dear Past Me: The Great Clash Royale Dragon Emote Code Chaos
Dear Sarah of Last October, You're currently standing in the kitchen in those gray Lululemon leggings—the ones with the mysterious bleach stain on the left thigh that you keep swearing you'll throw away but never do. It's, like, 6:43 AM...
The Truth About The Cringe Ass Nae Nae Baby Meme & Sharenting
I was sitting in our local coffee shop back in 2018, wearing this horrifying mustard yellow sweater that I genuinely thought made me look like a cool Brooklyn creative but actually just made me look jaundiced. It was raining outside—that...
Parenting In The Digital Age And The Terrifying Teen Timeline
My mom told me over FaceTime yesterday that the foolproof solution to internet safety is to simply hand my daughter a flip phone when she turns sixteen and strictly refuse to acknowledge the existence of wifi until she graduates college....
Dear Past Sarah: Devil Man Cry Baby Is Definitely Not For Kids
Dear Sarah from last October. You're currently sitting on the floor of the downstairs bathroom because it’s the only room with a lock that the kids haven't figured out how to pick with a paperclip yet. You have a lukewarm...
Why Family Ties Baby Keem Is Wrecking Your Smart Speaker
My mom swore that piping classical Mozart into the nursery would turn my kids into literal baby Einsteins, bless her heart. My oldest kid's preschool teacher insisted we stick exclusively to acoustic farm animal songs if we wanted decent behavioral...
The Four Seasons Orlando Baby and Other Internet Lies
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo while Florence tries to forcefully feed a damp oatcake to the Wi-Fi router. Matilda is sitting on the rug, entirely naked from the waist down, staring at...
Debugging Sleep, Typos, and the Baby Saja x Reader Incident
My thumb slipped off the glass screen of my phone at exactly 3:14 AM, smearing a streak of organic pear puree across the search bar while my 11-month-old daughter attempted to burrow her entire head into my left armpit. She...
Baby Reindeer Reviews: The Netflix Show That Shocked My House
I was knee-deep in a laundry basket full of tiny socks that somehow all turn into singles in the dryer, when my oldest—the one who tests every single gray hair on my head daily—yelled from the living room that he...