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That Midnight Panic Over Exactly When Babies Are Supposed To Walk
It was 2:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the floor of my bathroom in the dark, violently scrolling through parenting forums on my phone while my 14-month-old oldest child, Beau, slept blissfully down the hall. We...
Why Do Babies Wear Helmets? A Letter To My Freaking Out Past Self
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting cross-legged on the dusty attic floor. You're wearing Dave's old college hoodie that smells intensely of damp cardboard, and you're literally crying into a plastic storage bin of Leo's outgrown...
Surviving the "Babys at 30 Weeks" Search Spiral (And The Heartburn)
I found Sarah sitting on the cold kitchen tiles at 3:14 AM, illuminated entirely by the blue glare of her phone screen and eating dry Cheerios straight from the cardboard box. She looked up at me, eyes hollow with exhaustion,...
Did Jessica Sanchez Finally Have Her Baby? A Postpartum Warning
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the floor of our terribly drafted London flat, attempting to assemble a twin nursing pillow that looks like a life raft, while your wife glowers at you from her birthing...
Surviving the Frilly Nightmare of Cute Baby Girl Clothes
I'm currently standing in the disabled toilet of a Costa Coffee in Wandsworth, staring in abject horror at my daughterβs back. She is wearing a gift from a well-meaning great-auntβa vintage-style, sage green dress featuring no fewer than fourteen microscopic...
The Completely Unfiltered Reality Behind the Cute Baby Aesthetic
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in late November, and I was wearing an oversized, pill-covered grey fleece robe that smelled violently of sour milk and desperation. My daughter Maya was exactly seven weeks old. I was holding her...
Is Cry Baby John Waters For Kids? (Plus Actual Infant Crying)
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was pretty sure I was hallucinating. Leo was six weeks old and screaming like I was actively harming him, his tiny face turning a shade of purple I didn't know existed...
Skip the 90s Movie: How to Actually Soothe a Screaming Baby
It's 3:14 AM. I'm standing barefoot on the cold linoleum of my kitchen, frantically typing into my phone with my left thumb while my right arm is going completely numb from holding a rigid, screaming infant. In my sleep-deprived delusion,...
Surviving the evening screams with your sanity mostly intact
There was a specific time, 6:13 PM to be exact, when the atmosphere in our London flat would shift from manageable chaos to complete psychological warfare. You could set a watch by it. The girls would be lying there, looking...