My Beanie Baby Website Search: A Dad's Guide to Winter Hats & Toys
I'm sitting in the artificial blue glow of my MacBook at 3:14 AM, desperately clicking through a retro-looking beanie baby website that looks like it hasn't seen a CSS update since Netscape Navigator was a thing. My 11-month-old son is...
Real Talk: The "That's My Baby She's Iconic" Trend Is Exhausting
Dear Sarah from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the edge of the master bathtub at 2:14 AM wearing those gray sweatpants with the bleach stain on the thigh, and you're literally crying into a mug of coffee that...
What is a Baby Deer Called? (A Dad's Woodland Survival Guide)
Richmond Park is a very specific kind of purgatory at six-fourteen in the morning in late spring. The grass is entirely composed of freezing mud, the air is thick with that distinctly British drizzle that doesn't actually look like rain...
Why I Googled "Baby Boi Carti" And Panicked About My Kids' Ears
It was Tuesday, 4:12 PM, and I was standing in the kitchen wearing my "bad day" sweatpantsβthe ones with the mystery yogurt stain on the left knee that I absolutely refuse to wash out because it feels like a monument...
Why My Designer Tote Almost Ruined My Spine (And What I Pack Now)
It's 2:14 PM on a Tuesday in 2017, and I'm sitting in the front seat of my Honda CR-V in a Target parking lot, sobbing into a half-eaten sleeve of stale graham crackers. Maya is three months old. I'm wearing...
How We Survived Baby Ear Piercing: A Clueless Dad's Field Guide
I was sweating completely through my gray flannel shirt while sitting on that crinkly white paper they put over pediatric exam tables, gripping a color-coded spreadsheet I'd made about titanium purity levels. My wife, Sarah, was sitting next to me...
The Hilarious and Messy Truth About Raising a Cute Anime Baby
I was standing in my kitchen at two in the morning, aggressively peeling a sweaty, bright yellow, 100% polyester Pikachu costume off my screaming eight-month-old while the ending theme of some intense action show blared from the living room TV....
Is A Baby Gold Bracelet Safe? My 3AM Troubleshooting Guide
Maya's mom arrived from Chicago at 7:14 PM, exactly twelve minutes after we finally managed to shut down the baby's waking cycle. She dropped her bags in the hallway and immediately handed me a velvet box that weighed absolutely nothing....
Surprise, You Now Have a Dozen Hamsters (Surviving the Litter)
"Momma, Princess Fluffbutt split into tiny pink jellybeans!" That was how my four-year-old announced we were suddenly harboring fugitives on a Tuesday morning while I was elbow-deep in packing tape for my Etsy shop and trying to keep the baby...