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A dad looking confused while trying to put a snowsuit on a very bendy baby

The bizarre math of exactly how many bones do babies have

I was trying to fold my daughter into a pram suit that was arguably designed for a slightly smaller, more cooperative species of mammal, when I noticed her leg was bending at an angle that would have required me to...

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A heavily loaded pram looking like a pack mule on a typical London pavement.

Surviving the Absolute Chaos of Your First Real Baby's Out Day

I'm currently standing in the hallway holding a solitary, incredibly tiny sock. I've been standing here staring at the wallpaper for what feels like twelve minutes, entirely paralysed by indecision. I can hear one of my two-year-old twin daughters crying...

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Two exhausted parents looking at their tiny newborn twins in a London flat

A Desperate Letter to Myself About Surviving Newborn Babies

Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the edge of the sofa at 3:14 AM, wearing a dressing gown that smells fiercely of sour milk and something I can only describe as biological despair. One of the...

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A sleep-deprived father researching corporate fertility benefits on his phone at 3am

The Tesla babies program and my 3am scrolling spiral

It was 3:42 am on a Tuesday, and I was pinned beneath Twin A, who was rhythmically exhaling sour milk vapour directly into my collarbone. The house was locked in that heavy, unnatural silence that only exists just before a...

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Tired British dad holding a yellow baby shark costume while a toddler runs away

Surviving the great baby shark costume incident that nearly broke me

I was kneeling on the kitchen linoleum at 4:35 pm on a rainy Tuesday, frantically sawing at a yellow polyester chest cavity with a butter knife while muffled, upbeat electronic music mocked my failures. Maya, who's two and possesses the...

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An exhausted dad staring into a massive brightly lit American refrigerator at 3am

Surviving the 2024 Baby Carrots Recall in a Jetlagged Haze

We were three days into a Thanksgiving visit to my wife's parents in Massachusetts, and I had just spent twenty minutes wrestling the rental baby car seat into my father-in-law's astronomically large SUV, when my mother-in-law burst through the front...

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A tired dad holding a plush monster rattle while a toddler climbs his leg

The "asa baby monster" Google Trap: A Guide to Actual Toddler Chaos

There I was, at 3:14 am on a Tuesday, blinking at my glowing phone screen while Twin A rhythmically headbutted my collarbone. I had simply wanted to buy a cute, slightly terrifying novelty onesie for Halloween. I typed what I...

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Exhausted dad looking at baby rocker while holding a sleep sack in a dark nursery.

Why we sing about dropping infants from trees at 3 AM

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was covered in a suspicious damp patch that smelled faintly of sour milk and sheer defeat. Florence was doing her absolute best impression of a dying swan, arching her back with...

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A highly skeptical baby staring at a brightly coloured hand-crafted blanket

The Truth About Crocheted Baby Blankets (And Keeping Toes Attached)

It was 2am, roughly six weeks before the twins were due, and I was sweating profusely over a plastic hook and a spool of aggressively yellow yarn. I had somehow convinced myself that real fatherhood began with mastering basic patterns...

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