The Baby Chick Temperature Chart (And Why I Stopped Checking It)
I was sitting on the edge of the guest bathtub at two in the morning, holding an infrared thermometer gun like a radar detector, pointing it directly at five day-old baby chicks huddled in a plastic storage tote. My wife...
The 'Baby Akira Onlyfans' Search Hazard: A Parental Warning
My mother thinks an unlocked iPad is a perfectly acceptable babysitter (she frequently reminds me that she left me in front of the television for the entirety of the 1990s and I turned out completely fine, which is debatable). The...
The 4D Strip Mall Ultrasound Panic We Absolutely Did Not Need
The room smelled aggressively like vanilla plug-in air fresheners and shared a drywall boundary with a discount mattress store. I was sitting in a faux-leather theater recliner in the Portland suburbs, sweating through my t-shirt, while a woman who introduced...
Debugging The Baby's Breath Garland Nursery Disaster
It's 11:43 PM on a Tuesday, and I'm standing on a step stool in my socks, gripping a heavy-duty staple gun in one hand and a crumbling, foul-smelling botanical structure in the other. My 11-month-old son is asleep in the...
The Brutal Truth About Baby Shower Flowers (Before vs After Twins)
I was standing in the narrow hallway of our London flat, proudly clutching an enormous £80 arrangement of stargazer lilies, completely convinced I was husband of the year. My wife's pre-baby gathering was starting in an hour, and I'd spared...
The accidental gymnast and the gravity problem with your two-month-old
We need to talk about the biggest lie circulating in your local mom group. You know the one. You're sitting on someone's beige rug, sipping lukewarm coffee, and another mother casually drops that her eight-week-old is already rolling over. She...
Troubleshooting Baby Quilts: Safety, Sleep, and Free Patterns
Three days after we brought our son home from the hospital, my wife’s great-aunt mailed us a massive, handmade patchwork blanket that weighed roughly the same as a cinderblock, accompanied by a card instructing us to "wrap him up tight...
Can Your Baby Sleep With a Pacifier? The Unfiltered Truth
Before my oldest was even three days old, three different women stood in my kitchen and gave me completely contradictory advice about putting a piece of silicone in my kid's mouth. My grandma, bless her heart, told me to dip...
Can Your Baby Safely Sleep With a Pacifier? Let's Talk About It
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was staring at the grainy green screen of my video monitor like I was watching a bomb about to detonate. My oldest son, Wyatt, was three weeks old. He was fast...