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Debugging The Maternity Baby Shower Dress Meltdown In Real Time
Exactly forty-five minutes before our backyard celebration was supposed to start, I found my wife stress-crying in our Portland bathroom with a humidity sensor from my server rack sitting on the counter. She was 31 weeks pregnant, and the highly-rated,...
Finding a maternity dress for baby shower events without losing you...
I'm trapped in a zippered velvet prison. It's mid-July in Chicago, I'm thirty-three weeks pregnant, and the zipper on this supposed dream dress is stuck right over my left rib, which my daughter currently uses as a kicking bag. The...
How to Write a Brilliant Message For Baby Shower Cards
I'm currently staring at a pastel yellow card featuring a deeply anatomically incorrect stork, my pen hovering over the paper as if I'm diffusing a bomb rather than preparing for my cousin's Saturday afternoon tea party. There's this pervasive, slightly...
Why Your Baby Shower Entrance Doesn't Need A Giant Plastic Poster
There I was, thirty-two weeks pregnant with Maya, standing behind the dumpsters of a suburban Italian restaurant with half a lukewarm iced coffee in my hand. I was wearing this floral maternity wrap dress that aggressively rode up every time...
The brutal reality of picking baby shower invitations for a girl
I was twenty-six weeks pregnant, eating fruit antacids like they were candy, staring at my laptop at two in the morning. The screen was a sea of aggressively pink digital paper. The search query was simple enough. I was just...
Surviving the Logistics of Boy Baby Shower Invites
It was 11 PM on a Tuesday. I had a Google Sheet open with column headers for "Paper Weight (GSM)" and "Postage Cost Variance." My wife, Sarah, who was seven months pregnant at the time, walked into the kitchen holding...
What to Look for in a Baby Shower Guest Dress (Without Losing Your ...
Dear Jess of six months ago, currently standing in front of your open closet, sweating into a stained Target graphic tee while trying to figure out what the heck "garden casual" means. I see you, I'm you, and I need...
Finding A Baby Shower Dress That Actually Fits (Without The Tears)
Dear Sarah from six months ago—wait, no. Maya is four now. So, dear Sarah from four years and six months ago. Whatever. Time is a completely meaningless construct anyway when you haven't had a full night of uninterrupted sleep since...
Surviving the Late-Night Chaos of Baby Shower Cookies
It was 2:13 AM and I was standing in my kitchen wearing my husband's college sweatpants and a nursing tank that definitely smelled like sour milk, holding a piping bag of pale yellow icing that was supposed to look like...