The Myth of the Perfect Infant: Debugging Your First Months
I spent the first three weeks of my son's life waiting for him to become a compliant user. You know the cultural trope we're all sold—the angelic, soft-focus newborn sleeping peacefully in a bassinet while the parents drink hot coffee....
Raising a Sun Baby: A Pale British Father’s Guide to UV Survival
Maya is currently doing an impressive impression of an oiled piglet at a country fair, streaking across the scorched grass of Clapham Common while I trail a few paces behind her with a handful of thick, chalky white zinc cream....
The Honest Truth About Giving Sugar Candy To Babies Before Two
Listen. My mother-in-law had a literal sugar babies candy poised right over my six-month-old's mouth at a family Diwali party last year. I intercepted that little caramel nugget like an off-duty linebacker. She looked at me like I'd just slapped...
The tatu baby search that completely broke my dad brain at 2 AM
2:14 AM. The nursery is exactly 68.5 degrees. The white noise machine is pushing out a continuous loop of brown noise at precisely 42 decibels. My 11-month-old daughter is asleep on my chest, breathing 32 times a minute. I know...
When The Baby-Sitters Club Makes You Question Your Parenting
I was wedged between the living room radiator and a pile of inexplicably sticky building blocks at 5:43 AM on a Tuesday when it happened. Twin A was aggressively gumming a slightly stale rice cake, Twin B was trying to...
Why nobody warns you about ugly babies and how to survive them
I spent four hours in the maternity ward trying to find an Instagram filter that would make my son look less like a bruised, angry potato. I know we aren't supposed to say that out loud. You're supposed to weep...
What The Nepo Baby Trend Actually Means For Your Everyday Toddler
I was peeling the skin off a single green grape for my toddler when my sister-in-law texted me a screenshot of a celebrity magazine cover. My phone lit up on the kitchen counter while I carefully sliced the fruit into...
The Ultimate Dad’s Guide to What Baby Oil Is Actually Used For
I was sitting on the floor of our living room, sweating through my t-shirt, trying to peel a heavy-duty waterproof band-aid off my eleven-month-old's thigh without triggering a level-five meltdown. He had scraped his leg on a rogue piece of...
When You Google 'Sorry Baby' Showtimes Looking for Toddler Entertai...
It was 6:43 PM on a Tuesday, which in this house we affectionately refer to as the witching hour, and my oldest had just colored the dog’s tail with a blue Sharpie. I was elbows-deep in a sink full of...