Magazine

Tired London dad holding two crying twin girls in a dark kitchen

Welcome to the Baby Baby Baby Echo Chamber of Twin Parenting

I was standing in our galley kitchen at 4:13 in the morning, holding an electric kettle that I hadn't bothered to plug in, staring blankly at the wall while a rhythmic, pulsing chant echoed from the monitor clipped to my...

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Mom holding a pink bottle of mineral oil looking confused in her bathroom

The Weird Baby Oil Diddy Drama Taught Me A Vital Skincare Lesson

I was elbow-deep in the bathtub trying to scrub a week-old, half-peeled Paw Patrol temporary tattoo off my oldest son's shoulder blade when my phone buzzed with the tenth internet joke of the morning. Between packing up fifteen monogrammed burlap...

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Exhausted dad staring at his pacing dog while the baby wails in the nursery

Why Your Dog Freaks Out When the Kid Screams (A Father's Log)

Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the hallway floor at 3:14 AM. You have the tracking app open on your phone, verifying that the nursery is exactly 69.5 degrees with 44 percent humidity, and you...

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A tired dad sitting on the floor surrounded by baby toys and organic clothes

Stop Taking My Chips I'm Just A Baby: A Dad's Survival Guide

Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the hallway floor at 4 PM, wedged between a pile of unopened mail and a rogue wellington boot, trying to negotiate with a toddler who has just hurled a...

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Marcus comparing his 11-month-old daughter to an Arctic marine mammal

My 11-Month-Old Daughter is Basically a 150-Pound Baby Walrus

It’s 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. The glow of my dual monitors is the only light in our Portland living room, casting long, depressing shadows over a floor entirely covered in colorful plastic debris. On the left screen, I've a...

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A messy living room floor with a half-written baby shower card and coffee cup

How to Write a Brilliant Message For Baby Shower Cards

I'm currently staring at a pastel yellow card featuring a deeply anatomically incorrect stork, my pen hovering over the paper as if I'm diffusing a bomb rather than preparing for my cousin's Saturday afternoon tea party. There's this pervasive, slightly...

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Reed Richards looking terrified while holding baby Franklin in the nursery

Who Is The Baby In Fantastic Four? A Sleep-Deprived Investigation

When our twin girls finally arrived, the influx of advice was swift, unyielding, and entirely contradictory. My mother-in-law insisted I keep them perpetually encased in heavy wool lest they catch a phantom draft in our predictably stuffy London flat. The...

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Exhausted dad sitting on a messy sofa holding a baby monitor while a film plays.

Why The Oho Enthan Baby Movie Is Our Date Night Survival Test

The biggest lie the parenting industrial complex ever sold us is the concept of the 8:00 PM transition. You know the one I mean—the mythical hour where the house suddenly falls silent, the ambient lighting turns universally flattering, and you...

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Toddler in a raincoat looking nervously at a flock of hissing waterfowl near a London pond

The Day the Park Waterfowl Fought Back: A Survival Log

The hissing started before we even breached the tree line at Hampstead Heath, sounding less like a natural animal noise and more like a punctured bicycle tyre that was somehow actively angry with me. I had a toddler under each...

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