Magazine

A confused parent searching for organic infant clothing and finding craft whiskey

Hudson Baby Bourbon: The Nursery Mixup and Parenting Nightcaps

Listen. Don't show up to my cousin's baby shower in Naperville with a bottle of 92-proof craft whiskey just because you typed the registry name into your phone too fast. I've seen a thousand wild things during my shifts on...

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Toddler girl looking at a small bird in the grass while wearing an organic cotton romper.

How long do baby birds stay in the nest before flying away?

"Don't touch it, the mother will smell your grubby little hands and disown it forever!" I shrieked, lunging across the damp London grass with the grace of a man who hasn't slept a full night since the twins were born...

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Exhausted mom holding a coffee cup looking at baby clothes on her phone

Half Angel Baby Anime Trends: My 2 AM Online Shopping Confession

Dear Sarah from last October. It’s 2:14 AM. You’re sitting on the cold kitchen tiles in those grey yoga pants with the mysterious yogurt stain on the left knee, drinking coffee that went cold six hours ago. Maya, who's somehow...

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Twin toddler holding a smartphone while sitting on a living room rug

Goro and Tropi Blowjob Baby: A Toddler Internet Safety Nightmare

It was 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the flat was freezing because our boiler has the temperament of an aging rock star. I was standing in the kitchen, staring intensely at the kettle, willing the water to boil through...

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Toddler pointing enthusiastically at a tablet showing a fluffy baby rabbit

Viewing Baby Rabbit Growth Stages Without the Toddler Chaos

Don't, under any circumstances, take twin two-year-olds to a local petting farm during birthing season. We were knee-deep in Somerset mud last Tuesday when Twin A locked eyes with a newborn kit, let out a war cry that rattled my...

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A baby covered in edible yogurt paint sitting on a high chair tray.

Real Paint Adventures vs That Homestuck MSPFA Internet Trap

I was up to my elbows in plain Greek yogurt and beet juice, desperately trying to whisk together a Pinterest-perfect non-toxic finger paint, when my oldestβ€”let's just call him Baby M for this story, though he's five now and a...

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Marcus playing acoustic version of lil baby gunna - close friends chords for his baby

Why I Learned Trap Music Guitar Chords for a Crying Infant at 3 AM

Dear Marcus from six months ago, It's currently 3:14 AM, the relentless Portland rain is hammering against the nursery window, and you're standing in the middle of the room wearing boxer briefs, holding your dusty acoustic guitar like it's a...

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Exhausted dad staring at baby formula bottles in a dark kitchen

Lactose Free Formula For Babies: A Dad's Guide To Gut Bugs

It's 3:14 AM. I'm standing in our Portland kitchen, bathed in the harsh blue light of the microwave clock, frantically whisking a brand-new can of soy powder into a bottle while my 11-month-old screams like a dial-up modem connecting to...

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Exhausted dad staring at baby videos on his phone in a dark nursery

Dear Past Me: That TikTok issa_hay_baby_ Account Isn't Real

It’s exactly 3:14 AM right now in your timeline, and you're sitting on the edge of the glider while the baby does that weird pterodactyl screech that means his sleep cycle is resetting. Your face is bathed in the cold...

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