Magazine

Don't, under any circumstances, pull up a PDF from the NHS while your father is trying to demonstrate how to properly swaddle an infant using a terrifyingly thick, incredibly scratchy polyester quilt from 1982. I did this during our first...

"Put the quilt down, Mom." I was standing in the doorway of the nursery at 8:00 PM, physically blocking my mother's path to the crib like a bouncer at a deeply uncool nightclub. She was holding a blanket that weighed...

"Put a spot of whiskey on their gums," my father-in-law suggested casually, sipping his tea while watching Twin A attempt to violently gnaw her way through our oak coffee table. Later that same Tuesday, my mother informed me via text...

I'm staring at a drop-side crib that looks like it survived the Oregon Trail, and my mother-in-law is patting the literal patchwork quilt she just laid inside it. She's telling me how my husband slept in this exact death trap...