Magazine
Why the best baby travel system is a beautiful lie
I'm sitting at a coffee shop in Wicker Park watching a mom nurse a cold matcha latte. Next to her is a four-week-old baby, completely folded in half like a taco inside an expensive stroller frame. The car seat is...
Why Your Pediatrician Is Skeptical About Baby Tongue Tie
You're sitting in the dark at three in the morning. Your infant is screaming, your nipples feel like they went through a meat grinder, and the algorithm has decided this is the perfect moment to serve you endless videos of...
The Truth About the Lydia Plath Baby Rumors & Sibling Roles
Don't ever let your four-year-old think he runs the nursery, and definitely don't believe a single thing you read on the internet at two in the morning. That was the harsh lesson I learned this week while scrolling through my...
Why I Sing Mariah Carey Always Be My Baby At 3 AM For Sleep
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in 2017, and I was sweating through a gray David Bowie t-shirt that had questionable yellow spit-up crusted on the left shoulder, trying desperately to remember what you're actually supposed to buy if...
Debugging The Maternity Baby Shower Dress Meltdown In Real Time
Exactly forty-five minutes before our backyard celebration was supposed to start, I found my wife stress-crying in our Portland bathroom with a humidity sensor from my server rack sitting on the counter. She was 31 weeks pregnant, and the highly-rated,...
Finding a maternity dress for baby shower events without losing you...
I'm trapped in a zippered velvet prison. It's mid-July in Chicago, I'm thirty-three weeks pregnant, and the zipper on this supposed dream dress is stuck right over my left rib, which my daughter currently uses as a kicking bag. The...
The Reality Behind 'Me As A Baby' Memes: A Letter To Past Marcus
You're currently sitting on the edge of the bathtub at 2:14 AM, staring at the baby monitor app on your phone, trying to figure out why your five-month-old son sounds like a dial-up modem struggling to connect to a bad...
How to Write a Brilliant Message For Baby Shower Cards
I'm currently staring at a pastel yellow card featuring a deeply anatomically incorrect stork, my pen hovering over the paper as if I'm diffusing a bomb rather than preparing for my cousin's Saturday afternoon tea party. There's this pervasive, slightly...
Dear Past Me: Miss Shachiku and the Little Baby Ghost is a Warning
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently wedged between the bulk-sized paper towels and the dog food bin in the pantry. It's 2:14 AM. You're wearing Dave's gray college sweatpants—the ones with that unidentifiable crusty bleach stain on...