Magazine
Why You Shouldn't Google Deep Throat Baby Lyrics
Dear Marcus of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the closed toilet lid at 3:14 AM, basking in the harsh fluorescent bathroom light, trying to decode a snippet of audio you just heard on some teenager's TikTok downstairs. You're...
Dear Past Sarah: Devil Man Cry Baby Is Definitely Not For Kids
Dear Sarah from last October. You're currently sitting on the floor of the downstairs bathroom because it’s the only room with a lock that the kids haven't figured out how to pick with a paperclip yet. You have a lukewarm...
Devon Hodge Brenda's Got a Baby: The True Story
Whatever you do, absolutely don't pull out your phone at 2:13 AM while your four-year-old’s foot is pressed directly against your windpipe and search for true stories behind 90s rap songs. Because you'll, like me, end up sobbing into a...
How The Britney Spears Adopt A Baby Rumor Broke My Brain At 3 AM
Listen y'all, it was exactly 3:14 AM. I know this because I was sitting on the cold linoleum floor of my walk-in pantry, eating a slightly stale handful of mini marshmallows out of a plastic bag, staring at the clock...
Did Kat Timpf Have Her Baby? A Brutally Honest Look At Her Birth
Listen, the biggest lie we tell pregnant women is that if you just buy the right organic nipple butter and write a color-coded birth plan, you'll glide into motherhood on a cloud of oxytocin. I used to stand in the...
Why the Dilon Baby TikTok Trend Made Me Rethink Infant Hearing
It was 2:17 AM and I was wearing a grey maternity bra that I really should have thrown out in 2020, sitting in the absolute pitch black of the nursery. Four-month-old Maya was finally, miraculously asleep on my chest, dead...
The Murky Truth About Fetal Digestion and Prenatal Poop
I was halfway through a slightly stale samosa in the L&D breakroom at Northwestern Memorial when I heard a first-time mom down the hall completely lose her mind. Her water had just broken, and instead of looking like a clear...
Do cats lose baby teeth? A nurse's guide to teething
It was 4 a.m. in our Chicago apartment, the radiators were hissing, and I was walking barefoot to the kitchen for a bottle. I stepped on something sharp. My first thought was a rogue Lego, but the pain was too...
Do Dogs Lose Baby Teeth? Surviving the Puppy Chewing Phase
Let me tell you about what NOT to do when you step on something sharp and calcified barefoot in your kitchen at six in the morning. Don't immediately assume your four-year-old somehow sleepwalked, knocked his face on the counter, and...