Magazine
Troubleshooting The Real Cosmic Powers Of Your Own Human Infant
At my sister's backyard barbecue last weekend, three different people gave me completely contradictory advice about my son's biological capabilities within a ten-minute window. My uncle told me to just drop the kid in the deep end of the pool...
The Fat Chinese Baby Meme and My Newborn Overfeeding Panic
I'm sitting in the dark at 2:14 AM, the harsh glow of my smartphone illuminating a fresh patch of spit-up on my gray hoodie. My 11-month-old son is asleep in his crib, breathing perfectly normally, while I'm deep-diving into the...
The Late-Night Panic: When to Actually Worry About Your Baby's Fever
It's two in the morning and your hand is hovering over your sleeping kid's forehead like a malfunctioning drone. You finally make contact. They feel hot. Not just warm, but radiating heat like the exposed pipe in my old Wrigleyville...
My Honest Review of the Fisher-Price Laugh and Learn Baby Toys
"Buy the talking dog, it taught your cousin to count," my mom texted me on a Tuesday morning while I was trying to compile code. "Don't let that plastic nightmare into your house, it'll literally nuke his dopamine receptors," my...
Why Parents Keep Posting For Sale Baby Shoes Never Worn Online
I'm currently sitting on the floor of Leo’s closet. It’s Tuesday, somewhere around 11 AM, and I'm wearing a faded college t-shirt that smells vaguely of sour milk and desperation. I've an iced coffee next to me that was hot...
Formula Milk For Baby 0-6 Months Quantity: A Real Mom's Guide
I was standing in my kitchen at 2:14 AM with my oldest son, Carter, squinting at the tiny faded red lines on the side of a plastic bottle under the microwave light. I had formula powder literally stuck to my...
The Four Seasons Orlando Baby and Other Internet Lies
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo while Florence tries to forcefully feed a damp oatcake to the Wi-Fi router. Matilda is sitting on the rug, entirely naked from the waist down, staring at...
Freddie Gibbs Baby Mama Gossip vs. The Reality of Fatherhood
Before the twins arrived, I received three distinct pieces of advice about the impending transition to fatherhood. My postman, Terry, told me to sleep while I still could (it's physically impossible to bank sleep in advance, Terry, but thanks for...
Surviving the Free Baby Box Hustle: A Dad's Tracker
It was 7:42 PM on a Tuesday, raining sideways in typical Portland fashion, and I was standing on my porch staring at a pile of soggy cardboard that made my house look like a localized fulfillment center. My neighbor gave...