Why Buying Lil Baby Concert Tickets For a Baby is a Bad Idea
It was 9:15 PM in section 204 of the arena. My phone was open to a decibel-reading app I had downloaded in a panic in the parking lot, and the screen was just flashing the word "DANGEROUS" in bright red...
The July 26 Beanie Baby Incident That Broke My Sanity
I'm currently on my hands and knees holding a pair of tweezers and a remarkably weak mobile phone torch in my mouth, desperately trying to extract a single plastic pellet from the gap between our original Victorian floorboards. Twin A...
My 3 AM Nursery Bug Panic: Identifying Those Tiny Pale Crawlers
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. I know this specific time because the glowing green numbers on Leo's sound machine were burning a hole into my retinas while I sat frozen on the floor of his nursery. I was...
When Is It Safe to Give Your Baby a Blanket?
I was exactly three weeks into this whole motherhood gig when I almost gave myself a heart attack. My oldest son, Carter—who exists mostly now as a walking cautionary tale for everything I did wrong as a first-time mom—was born...
Why a Babydecke aus Merinowolle is the Only Blanket You Actually Need
I was standing over my washing machine at two in the morning, holding a gorgeous, expensive baby blanket that smelled faintly of sour milk, entirely terrified to hit the start button. The care tag was entirely in German, covered in...
Dear past me: What to know about baby quilt kits before you start
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, I know what you're doing right now. You're standing in the dining room at 2:13 AM, staring at a rotary cutter, a cutting mat, and three yards of woodland-creature-patterned fabric. You have convinced...
The Great Puree Glitch: Debugging Dinnertime
The ceiling of my Subaru Crosstrek currently has a modern art installation made entirely of organic sweet potato and turkey puree. I was driving down Interstate 84. My 11-month-old son, Leo, was screaming in the back seat. The temperature was...
Dear Tom: Put down the baby neck float and step away from Instagram
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently perched on the edge of the downstairs loo at 2am, hiding from the twins, staring bleary-eyed at your phone. The Instagram algorithm, sensing your big exhaustion and desperation for a quiet life,...
The Truth About That Cute Baby Milo Keychain (And My Mom Guilt)
It was a random Tuesday in October, like, 2018 maybe? Maya was about seven months old, and we were sitting outside this aggressively hip coffee shop in Brooklyn—the kind where a basic iced oat milk latte costs seven dollars and...