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Lätzchen für Erwachsene: Why My Stance on Adult Bibs Changed
Tuesday night. Mashed sweet potato on the wall. A spreading tea stain. It's the classic sandwich generation cliché brought to life in my dining room. I'm cutting grapes into symmetrical quarters for my toddler while simultaneously pretending I don't see...
The Honest Truth About Buying a Baby Pouf for Your Nursery
It’s 3:17 AM, and I'm physically stuck in a velvet floor cushion. My mother-in-law insisted this giant, overstuffed monstrosity was a nursery absolute necessity, and right now I'm trying to extract my left leg from its sinking depths without waking...
Dear Past Jess: That Baby Pink Bell Sleeve Turtle Neck Dress Is Bad
Dear Jess from October. It's me, Jess from April. You're currently standing in the Target parking lot with three kids sweating in the backseat, staring at your phone, about to hit 'buy' on that trendy boutique website. I need you...
The vintage baby pin fantasy versus the pediatric triage reality
I spent three weeks of my third trimester trying to match my baby pink nails to the exact baby pink hex code I wanted for the nursery accent wall. I had this whole vision board happening. I was going to...
The Great Baby Oil Bottle Disaster: What I Actually Know Now
It's twenty past midnight, and I'm currently holding what feels exactly like a greased watermelon. Twin One (who used to be the calm one, though we’ve long abandoned that classification) has just executed a flawless, aggressive barrel roll on the...
Low Oxygen Blue Skin Baby: A Panicked Parent's Late-Night Guide
My mother-in-law firmly stated over a Sunday roast that rubbing a tiny bit of brandy on the gums magically fixes bad circulation. Our local NHS health visitor murmured something entirely indecipherable about sensible thermal layering before vanishing into the London...
Surviving The Man Dog Baby Triangle: A New Dad's Guide To Chaos
Pixel's nose is shoved so far under the bathroom door he's practically snorting the bathmat, while eleven-month-old Leo is in the tub trying to eat a soapy washcloth. I'm currently typing this one-handed on my phone, damp from a recent...
Finding Fangs: When Do Cats Lose Their Baby Teeth
Listen. I was pulling dried oatmeal off Maya's favorite baby tee when I stepped on the needle. It wasn't a sewing needle, though. I reached down to rub my heel, fully expecting to pull out a rogue piece of plastic...
The Cucumber Protocol: From Slippery Hazards to Teething Hacks
It's 6:15 AM in our Portland kitchen, and I'm staring at a cutting board with a digital caliper in my hand. My wife, Sarah, is pouring her coffee, watching me measure a wet green vegetable down to the millimeter. "It...