What nobody tells you about babies and the great sugar debate
I was standing in my kitchen last Thanksgiving, elbow-deep in a massive pot of mashed potatoes, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mom unwrapping a little caramel log. She was aiming it right at my...
Searching For The Wham Lil Baby Trend Broke My Pediatric Brain
I was sitting on a freezing bench at Oz Park when I overheard two teenagers walking by. One of them muttered something about giving their lil baby weed, and then the other brought up the wham lil baby protocol. My...
The Honest Dad's Guide to Surviving the Baby Beach
At exactly 8:14 AM last Tuesday, I found myself standing at the edge of the dunes in West Sussex, carrying three oversized tote bags, a cooler, a parasol, and two shrieking two-year-old girls who had just discovered that wind exists....
Letter to Past Marcus: Baby Rattlesnakes & Other Terrors
Hey Marcus from six months ago. It's me, future Marcus. You're currently sitting in the dark at 3:14 AM, the retina display of your phone burning a hole in your exhausted corneas because you tried to Google "best wooden baby...
My honest guide to receiving blankets versus swaddles at 2 AM
I was aggressively stuffing those white and pink-striped hospital blankets into my duffel bag while my husband stood by the door acting as a lookout. I was a pediatric nurse for five years before having my son. I knew exactly...
Viral Internet Baby Soap Operas & Real Evacuation Plans
I was elbow-deep in raw chicken making freezer meals last Tuesday, with half-finished Etsy orders covering my dining table, when my four-year-old hollered from the living room that the "baby boss movie" was doing something weird. I wiped my hands...
Why putting tiny shades on twins feels like a hostage negotiation
I'm currently crouched behind the garden shed, clutching a pair of miniature, neon-pink plastic frames like they're a live grenade, trying to figure out which of my two-year-old daughters is least likely to bite me if I approach her face....
The Bizarre Kat Timpf Baby Name Rumor & Our Naming Panic
You're currently staring at cell C42 on the "Child_Identifier_v3.xlsx" spreadsheet, blinking through the burn of blue light at 2:14 AM while your five-month-old aggressively tries to eat his own foot in the bassinet beside you. You've gone so far down...
A Letter to My Pregnant Self About the Great Baby Beanie Deception
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the living room rug, sweating through a maternity tunic in 80-degree Texas autumn heat, crying over a tangled skein of expensive organic yarn. You spent three hours last night hunting...