How Do Babies Breathe In The Womb? My Midwife Set Me Straight
There I was, twenty weeks pregnant with my oldest, laying on a paper-covered table in a freezing room that smelled distinctly of industrial hand sanitizer and old magazines. The ultrasound tech was aggressively pushing the wand into my bladder when...
Why My Doctor Pushed The Tiny Pill During My First Pregnancy
It was a Tuesday afternoon in 2018, and I was sitting in the driver's seat of my Honda CR-V in a CVS parking lot, wearing a mustard yellow maternity sweater that made me look like a severely bruised banana, absolutely...
When your 4D ultrasound baby alien leaked on the family group chat
The ultrasound gel was freezing, and the sonographer whose name tag said Brenda was pushing the wand into my bladder with the force of a hydraulic press. We were at the 20-week anatomy scan. The monitor in the dark room...
When Can You Hear Baby Heartbeat Without Losing Your Mind
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm lying flat on the cold hexagonal tiles of my master bathroom floor, wearing a pair of maternity leggings that are already too tight even though I’m only nine weeks pregnant, and my...
Why The Scorsese Baby Daddy Trend Is An Actual Parenting Trap
I was sitting on the aggressively beige tile floor of a suburban Target bathroom in 2016, wearing Lululemon leggings that definitely had a crusty salsa stain on the left thigh, staring at a plastic stick I had just peed on....
My Fictional Gangster Baby Daddy and the Reality of Co-Parenting
When we first found out we were having twins, the unsolicited advice arrived with the speed and aggression of a flock of London pigeons spotting a dropped chip. Three different people gave me entirely contradictory instructions on how to handle...
What An Overdue Celebrity Baby Taught My Debugging Brain
The time was 3:14 AM, and the only sound in our Portland apartment was the rhythmic, aggressive squeak of a purple yoga ball against the hardwood floor. My wife was violently bouncing on it, trying to physically dislodge our stubbornly...
What Bridget Jones’s Baby Got Wrong About Real Parenting
Don't, under any circumstances, boot up Bridget Jones’s Baby at 11 PM on a Tuesday when your wife is 34 weeks pregnant and already convinced every random abdominal twinge is a catastrophic system failure. I learned this the hard way....
The 2026 Chinese Gender Calendar: A 50/50 Coin Toss
I was wearing Dave’s stained college sweatpants, sitting cross-legged on the cold bathroom tile, holding a dripping pregnancy test in one hand and frantically trying to do lunar math on my phone calculator with the other. My coffee was sitting...