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The absolute truth about those ugly baby pictures we all hide
I was sitting there in the hospital bed, wearing a gown that had somehow become completely unsnapped in the back, holding my literal firstborn child. My husband, Mark—who usually has absolutely zero filter—was completely silent as he held up his...
The Brutal Reality of Baby Modeling: What I Wish I Knew Beforehand
I was sweating completely through my only clean maternity bra in a strip mall off I-35 in Dallas, holding a screaming eight-month-old while twelve other perfectly coifed infants stared at us in dead, judgmental silence. My oldest son, who's now...
How to Take a Baby Passport Photo Without Losing Your Mind
My mom told me I had to physically hold my three-week-old’s head up from behind the scenes like a puppeteer to get his picture taken. The lady at the local pharmacy counter swore the only way was to photograph him...
Why That Viral Froggy Newborn Portrait is Actually a Photoshop Trick
I was scrolling social media at three in the morning during a seemingly endless feeding session when I saw it. A newborn, maybe six days old, propped perfectly upright with their tiny chin resting on their folded hands. The classic...
How to Take Good Newborn Photos Without Losing Your Damn Mind
I was sweating through my third nursing tank of the day, teetering on a dining room chair with my iPhone hovering over my oldest son, Leo, who was currently screaming his head off in a hand-knitted Yoda costume my mom...
Baby Announcement Cards: A Postpartum Letter To My Past Self
It's two in the morning. The Chicago winter wind is rattling the bedroom window, and I'm staring at a stack of heavy-stock envelopes sitting next to a cold mug of chai. My breast pump is making that rhythmic, dying-cow sound....
The Truth About Infant Photos: From Contrast Cards to AI Scraping
The phone on my nightstand vibrates at 4:12 in the morning. The screen lights up the dark room with another WhatsApp message from my mom, reading simply, "send more babi images." She always mistypes baby as babi, mostly because her...
The Pediatric Nurse's Guide to the Perfect Smash Cake for Baby
I was standing at my kitchen island at eleven at night, aggressively pureeing dates to sweeten a dense, beige lump of oat flour. My son's first birthday was in exactly twelve hours. I had convinced myself that if a single...
When Pumping Hardware And Hospital Photoshoots Suddenly Collide
The machine strapped to my wife’s chest sounded exactly like a PlayStation 4 struggling to render a massive game file. It was a rhythmic, mechanical grinding noise that echoed off the sterile walls of our postpartum recovery room. We were...