The Viral Fidget Toy You Should Never Give Your Teething Infant
It was 2:14 PM on a Tuesday and I was wearing my husband Dave's faded college sweatshirt that smells faintly of old garlic, desperately sweeping my hand across our living room rug like a frantic human metal detector. I was...
Why your newborn sounds like a tiny restless barnyard animal
It's three in the morning and you're hovering over the bassinet with your phone flashlight half-covered by your thumb. You're doing this because the tiny human you birthed is making noises that belong in a barnyard. It's a mix of...
Raising a Gemini Baby Without Losing Your Mind Or All Your Friends
"Don't tell Mr. Henderson that his grass looks like garbage. I don't care if that's what Daddy said in the kitchen, you keep your mouth shut because your wife is my friend and I've to sit next to her at...
Decoding the Angel Emoji Baby: What It Really Means for Parents
I was sitting in the front seat of my Honda Odyssey in the Target parking lot yesterday, aggressively sucking down an iced latte that had already started to separate into that weird milky water at the bottom, wearing leggings that...
Finding a CD Baby Coupon Code and Debugging Nursery Audio
My mother-in-law insisted we needed a booming surround-sound system pumping classical Mozart into the crib to guarantee our daughter would eventually understand advanced calculus. My lead engineer at work, who approaches parenting like a server migration, swore by absolute, vacuum-sealed...
Realistic Baby Puree Recipes (And My Exploding Blender Disaster)
It was 4:12 PM on a Tuesday, and I was standing on a dining chair scraping aggressively orange sweet potato mush off my kitchen ceiling with a spatula. I was wearing my favorite cream-colored cashmere blend sweater—because apparently, sleep deprivation...
How Long to Smoke Baby Back Ribs Without Ruining Saturday
It was 5:42 PM on a Saturday in July, and I was sweating through a gray tank top that already had a suspicious smear of Sweet Baby Ray's on the hip. My husband was standing on the patio, staring into...
When Do Dogs Lose Their Baby Teeth? A Twin Dad's Survival Guide
I stepped on it barefoot at exactly six in the morning. It was sharp, cold, and entirely unyielding, which naturally led me to assume I had discovered yet another rogue piece of plastic from the twins' supposedly tidied toy box....
Searching for the Teen Baby GT: A Letter to My Clueless Past Self
The screen brightness on my phone is currently burning a hole through my retinas at 3:14 AM. The nursery thermostat reads exactly 68.4 degrees, which Sarah insists is the good temperature for infant sleep, though the small human currently vibrating...