The California Arts Baby Tee: Why Streetwear on Infants is a Trap
You're standing in the middle of the nursery at 7:15 in the morning, holding a miniature, mustard-yellow piece of cotton that looks incredibly cool on Instagram, currently trying to calculate the exact geometric angle required to force your screaming child’s...
Finding the best evo baby dragon deck (When you thought it was a toy)
Standing in my kitchen at 2 AM, waiting for the bottle warmer to hit exactly 98.6 degrees, I got a text from my 12-year-old nephew asking if I could Apple Pay him five bucks so he could finish building the...
When Can You Finally Stop Burping Your Baby?
It was 3:14 in the morning with my oldest, Carter. He was entirely milk-drunk, limp as a wet noodle, and dead asleep on my shoulder. And there I was, wide awake, rhythmically pounding on his tiny back like I was...
What to Write in a Baby Shower Book When You Are Out of Ideas
Before my wife’s best friend had her first child, I found myself backed into a corner of her cramped London flat, holding a pristine copy of The Very Hungry Caterpillar and a biro that was rapidly running out of ink....
The "stump tail baby lala" incident and other newborn horrors
It was 3:14 AM on our third day home from the hospital, and I was holding a freshly un-nappied twin at arm's length, staring in abject horror at her abdomen. Attached to her tiny, perfect belly was a shriveling, alien...
St Louis Ribs vs Baby Back: Which is Actually Safe for Your Baby
My mother-in-law told me handing my ten-month-old a rib bone was essentially attempted murder. My favorite internet momfluencer swore a massive rack of meat was the ultimate teething hack. And when I asked my pediatrician about it, she just gave...
Why That Reality TV Baby Drama Actually Made Me Scream
It was 3:14 AM, and I was pinned under my oldest son in a rocking chair that squeaked every time I shifted my weight. My C-section incision felt like it was actively unzipping, I smelled like sour milk, and my...
Surviving the great weaning transition of 2022
It was precisely 11:14 am on a Tuesday, and I was standing on a dining chair trying to scrape what appeared to be organic beige cement off the kitchen ceiling with a silicone spatula. The twins were exactly six months...
Why gifting a vintage november 24th beanie baby gives me hives
I watched my sister-in-law unearth a vacuum-sealed plastic bag at my baby shower, her eyes shining with that specific millennial nostalgia that usually precedes a terrible financial decision. She pulled out a dusty plush turkey from 1997. She proudly announced...