Magazine

Tired dad holding an awake baby looking at a smartphone screen in a dark room

Sparkle Megan Baby Daddy Drama: A Tired Dad's Honest Take

It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my eleven-month-old son, Leo, was currently undergoing some sort of mysterious firmware update that apparently required him to aggressively slap my collarbone while wide awake in the dark. My wife, Sarah, was...

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A tired dad holding a teething toy while looking at a garden drain

How the Baby Jessica Rescue Made Me Fear My Own Back Garden

Tuesday morning, 11:14 AM. Florence has somehow managed to wedge her entire left leg into an exposed drainage pipe near the rhododendrons. I'm frozen in the doorway holding a half-empty mug of lukewarm builder's tea, watching my two-year-old attempt to...

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A wooden baby high chair covered in an unidentifiable orange food puree

How to Buy a Baby High Chair Without Losing Your Entire Mind

I was standing in the kitchen at a quarter to ten on a Tuesday, armed with a discarded electric toothbrush and a spray bottle of white vinegar, trying to excavate petrified Weetabix from the neon-green piping of a padded seat...

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The truth about surviving the baby groot merchandise invasion

I was elbow-deep under the sofa cushions on a Tuesday morning, executing a routine sweep for rogue Cheerios and whatever sticky substance had claimed the TV remote, when my fingers brushed against something hard, plastic, and distinctly anatomical. I pulled...

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A stressed British father staring in horror at a television remote control

Why searching for the cast of baby reindeer will ruin your evening

It was 5:17 AM on a Tuesday, an hour that shouldn't legally exist, and my living room looked like a crime scene involving a half-eaten box of oat biscuits and an aggressively smeared syringe of sticky, strawberry-flavoured Calpol. Florence, the...

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A tired dad sitting on the floor singing to twin babies on a wooden play gym.

How I Abandoned Indie Music to Become a Human Jukebox for Twins

Somewhere around the eighty-fourth consecutive rendition of The Wheels on the Bus, you experience a big sort of ego death. I was standing in the kitchen at 6am, wearing a t-shirt entirely crusted in dried porridge, aggressively miming the swish-swish-swish...

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A confused dad looking at a tiny baby roach on the kitchen floor.

The 3AM Kitchen Intruder: Dealing With Baby Roaches

It was 3:14 AM, and I was doing something I explicitly knew I shouldn't be doing. Maya, who's two years old but possesses the demanding palate of a Michelin-star food critic, refused to go back to sleep unless her milk...

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Two toddlers destroying a living room while holiday music plays in the background.

Let's discuss the absolute madness of those santa baby lyrics

It was 4:13 PM on a Tuesday in mid-December. The sky over London had been a bruised, miserable purple since lunchtime, and inside the flat, the twins were orchestrating what I can only describe as a coordinated assault on our...

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Toddler banging on the keys of a dark wood baby grand piano in a messy living room

The Reality of Fitting a Baby Grand Piano in a House with Toddlers

I'm currently on my hands and knees in the lounge, holding one end of a metal tape measure while Maya, who's two, tries to eat the other end. Her twin sister, Lily, is repeatedly smashing a wooden spoon against the...

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