Magazine

A dad holding a baby shower card looking deeply confused in a nursery

How to Write a Baby Shower Card Without Sounding Delusional

I'm standing in the card aisle of the local Tesco, holding a pastel-yellow envelope and aggressively crossing out a pre-printed poem about 'tiny toes and heavenly woes' with a biro. The cashier is staring at me. I don't care. I'm...

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Exhausted dad looking at baby memes on his phone in the dark

A Letter To Past Me About Baby Memes And Surviving Twin Girls

You're currently sitting on the closed lid of the downstairs loo at exactly 3:14 AM. The tiles are freezing against your bare feet, and you're hiding. I know this because I'm you, writing from six months in the future. Upstairs,...

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Two tiny baby guinness shots sitting on a kitchen counter next to a baby monitor

The Honest Parent Guide to the Baby Guinness Shot

It was nine at night on a Tuesday and my toddler was treating our living room like a hostile takeover. Rohan had three molars breaking through his gums simultaneously and I was doing the classic parent sway in the kitchen,...

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Two baby goats standing on a wooden bench looking confused

The Pastoral Fantasy Delusion: Surviving Baby Goats

It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was covered in a thin but distinct layer of regurgitated infant milk, and I was knee-deep in a Rightmove spiral looking at semi-derelict farmhouses in Somerset. The twins had been tag-teaming a...

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Tired mother drinking coffee while a baby plays on a wooden playmat

What A 3 AM Bird Search Taught Me About Surviving The Newborn Phase

I was standing in the kitchen at 3:14 AM wearing my husband's college sweatpants that had this unidentifiable crust on the left knee, vibrating with the kind of exhaustion that makes your teeth hurt. Leo was about four weeks old...

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Exhausted dad trying to measure a squirming toddler on a wooden floor

The Great Lil Baby Height Panic: A Dad's Late Night Mistakes

The metal tape measure snapped back with the terrifying velocity of a striking cobra, narrowly missing my left eye and causing Twin B to shriek with such piercing intensity that the neighbour's dog immediately began howling in sympathy. It was...

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A tired dad staring at his phone in a dark room (max 125 chars)

Why Searching Baby Dolls Dallas Is A Hilarious Parenting Mistake

Texas, for those who haven't had the pleasure of dragging a jet-lagged toddler through it, is less a state and more an ongoing experiment in aggressive air conditioning. We were staying in an Airbnb that smelled faintly of cinnamon and...

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A tired dad sitting on a sandy beach surrounded by chaotic baby gear

The Honest Dad's Guide to Surviving the Baby Beach

At exactly 8:14 AM last Tuesday, I found myself standing at the edge of the dunes in West Sussex, carrying three oversized tote bags, a cooler, a parasol, and two shrieking two-year-old girls who had just discovered that wind exists....

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Tom Selleck holding an infant next to modern safe sleep cot guidelines

Watching Three Men And A Baby At 3AM Will Not Calm Your Nerves

Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the sofa in the pitch dark. It's 3:14 AM. You have one twin asleep on your left shoulder, drooling a thick, milky substance onto your only clean t-shirt, and the...

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