Magazine

Toddler playing with physical building blocks on a rug

Why a Baby Kicking Simulator Script Changed Our Playtime

I was up to my elbows in pureed butternut squash, desperately trying to convince two screaming two-year-olds that lunch was a necessary human function, when I glanced over at my nine-year-old nephew. He was visiting for the weekend, slouched on...

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A dad playing an acoustic guitar while sitting next to a wooden baby play gym

Learning Baby I Love Your Way Chords Fixed Our Broken Bedtime

At 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, my daughter's sleep architecture completely collapsed. We were eleven months into this parenting experiment, and Maya was standing in her crib, shaking the rails like a tiny inmate demanding to speak to the warden....

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Two toddlers crawling on grass wearing matching knit cardigans and flat caps.

The Utter Absurdity of Buying a Baby Golf Outfit for Toddlers

I’m currently watching my two-year-old daughter, Florence, attempt to swallow a brightly coloured plastic golf tee while her twin sister, Matilda, aggressively reverse-crawls her way out of a sand bunker. We’re at a rather stiff, overly manicured Surrey golf club...

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A tired mom holding an organic cotton pink flutter sleeve bodysuit surrounded by messy toddler toys

When the Pink Bubble Pops: Surviving the Baby Glinda Obsession

It was 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in the kitchen wearing my husband's stained college sweatpants, desperately trying to scrape dried oatmeal off the counter with my thumbnail, when Maya marched in. My seven-year-old had a...

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A confused dad looking at an unreadable 4D ultrasound printout of his baby.

The 4D Strip Mall Ultrasound Panic We Absolutely Did Not Need

The room smelled aggressively like vanilla plug-in air fresheners and shared a drywall boundary with a discount mattress store. I was sitting in a faux-leather theater recliner in the Portland suburbs, sweating through my t-shirt, while a woman who introduced...

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Marcus looking stressed while trying to align a strip of floral baby girl wallpaper

The Great Baby Girl Wallpaper Debug: A Dad's Guide to Nursery Decor

I'm standing on a step stool at 11 PM with a plastic putty knife in my hand, frantically trying to scrape a semi-congealed layer of industrial adhesive off the drywall before it permanently bonds. My wife Sarah is standing in...

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Stressed dad looking at clothing care labels while holding a sleeping infant

Why Choosing the Right Baby Fabric Feels Like a Firmware Update

It’s 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm holding a screaming, bright red infant who feels like a MacBook Pro rendering 4K video. I've already checked the usual error logs. The diaper is completely dry. His last bottle was precisely...

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Confused dad holding a messy baby's breath floral garland in a nursery

Debugging The Baby's Breath Garland Nursery Disaster

It's 11:43 PM on a Tuesday, and I'm standing on a step stool in my socks, gripping a heavy-duty staple gun in one hand and a crumbling, foul-smelling botanical structure in the other. My 11-month-old son is asleep in the...

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Tired dad trying to figure out how to tie a five-metre stretchy baby wrap sling in a car park.

Surviving the Five-Metre Fabric Trap of the Baby Wrap Sling

It was a drizzly Tuesday in the Lewisham Sainsbury's car park when I finally accepted defeat. I was standing next to the open boot of our Skoda, holding what appeared to be an endless, terrifyingly long ribbon of jersey cotton....

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