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When Do Babies Start Sleeping Through The Night? A Dad's Guide
It's 3:14 am on a Tuesday, and I'm currently having a heated internal debate about whether the shadow in the corner of the nursery is a pile of laundry or the ghost of my pre-parenting freedom. Twin A (the loud...
Decoding the Baby Bop: Nursing Pillows and 3 AM Sleep Delusions
The biggest myth about infant support cushions isn't that they somehow turn breastfeeding into a majestic, hands-free bonding experience. The real, dangerous myth is the idea that this giant, firm foam croissant is a safe place to deposit a milk-drunk...
Dear Past Me: How To Cook Baby Bok Choy & Baby Bok Choy Recipes
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, who's currently standing in the produce aisle of Whole Foods at 8 AM wearing yoga pants that have definitely seen better days and a fleece pullover covered in what I hope is yogurt....
The Completely Honest Survival Guide to Your First Baby Bath
I was sitting on the freezing cold hex tiles of our master bathroom, wearing a nursing bra that smelled strongly of sour milk, crying. It was 2017, Leo was exactly eight days old, and my husband Dave was holding him...
Postpartum Baby Bangs: A Dad's Guide to the Hair Regrowth Glitch
Dear Marcus of six months ago: Put down the industrial drain snake and take a deep breath. I know you just pulled a clump of hair out of the shower drain that looks roughly the size of a wet squirrel,...
Why a Baby Alligator is My Toddler's Weirdest Obsession
It's Tuesday at 2 PM, and I'm standing in this aggressively air-conditioned reptile sanctuary off the highway in Florida, sweating through a vintage band tee that used to be my favorite before it got permanently stained with oat milk. I'm...
How The Creepy Screaming Ash Baby Internet Joke Ruined My Tuesday
My sister-in-law texted me at 6:15 AM demanding I lock all our household iPads in a fireproof safe because a "soot infant" is destroying the youth. My mate Dave replied to a WhatsApp group roughly forty-five minutes later arguing that...
The Reality of Dressing a Baby Without Losing Your Mind
Within forty-eight hours of bringing Leo home from the hospital, I received three completely contradictory pieces of advice about how to dress him. My mother-in-law hovered over his bassinet, clutching her coffee mug, aggressively whispering that he needed a fleece...
My Coffee Disaster and the Wild Reality of Sixty-Year-Old Parenting
My feet were literally sticking to the linoleum. It's 6:12 AM on a Tuesday, I'm wearing Mark's faded college hoodie that smells permanently like old milk and vague regret, and Maya is aggressively trying to shove a plastic triceratops into...