Why That Viral Cry Baby Popmart Figure Isn't Actually For Your Baby
I was standing at my kitchen sink, elbow-deep in cold oatmeal dishwater, when my 14-year-old niece shoved her phone directly into my face. On the screen was what looked like a perfectly round, tear-streaked child stuffed inside a tiny, fuzzy...
Confessions on Raising a Brainy Baby Without Losing Your Mind
Dear Jess of six months ago: I see you sitting on the rug in our Texas living room, sweating through your shirt, surrounded by Mandarin language flashcards, trying to get a ten-week-old to focus on high-contrast black-and-white shapes while the...
The Truth About Buying a Baby Taylor Guitar for Kids
I'm currently watching roughly three hundred and fifty quid’s worth of solid Sitka spruce being used as a battering ram against my Ikea coffee table. My twin daughters, who possess the combined destructive power of a small localized tornado, have...
Why the Dilon Baby TikTok Trend Made Me Rethink Infant Hearing
It was 2:17 AM and I was wearing a grey maternity bra that I really should have thrown out in 2020, sitting in the absolute pitch black of the nursery. Four-month-old Maya was finally, miraculously asleep on my chest, dead...
My Honest Review of the Fisher-Price Laugh and Learn Baby Toys
"Buy the talking dog, it taught your cousin to count," my mom texted me on a Tuesday morning while I was trying to compile code. "Don't let that plastic nightmare into your house, it'll literally nuke his dopamine receptors," my...
The Late-Night Reality of Setting Up That Baby Miko Robot
It's 11 PM on a Tuesday. I'm sitting cross-legged on my living room rug, holding a microscopic reset pin, violently whispering at a plastic screen that keeps telling me it's thinking. My toddler is asleep in the next room, completely...
Surviving the Meltdown: How a Baby Shark PNG Saved My Sanity
The spaghetti water is foaming over the edge of the pot, the dog is rage-barking at the UPS guy, and my three-year-old is lying face-down on the kitchen linoleum. I'm standing there with a wooden spoon in one hand and...
The Terrifying Truth About Innocent Kids' Searches
I was sitting on the floor of my laundry room yesterday, using a baby wipe to scrape dried oatmeal off my five-year-old’s hand-me-down tablet. I turned it on just to check the battery, swiped over to the browser he uses...
Dear Past Me: What I Wish I Knew About Buying a Baby Piano
Dear Jess from six months ago, I know exactly where you're right now. You're hiding in the walk-in pantry, sitting on a sack of jasmine rice, pretending to look for the good coffee while actually just trying to escape the...