Why My Kid Packed A Box After Watching we baby bears
I was standing in the kitchen folding my seventh load of laundry on a Tuesday afternoon when I heard the unmistakable, aggressive sound of packing tape ripping off the roll. I dropped a pile of mismatched socks, walked into the...
Confessions of dressing my toddler in the teenage dirtbag trend
2:14 AM. The bedroom smells faintly of sour milk and desperation. The Wheatus audio loops on my screen for the forty-seventh time. I watch another exhausted mother transition from a photo of her wearing studded belts and smeared black eyeliner...
Why The Phrase I'm The Joker Baby Sent Me Into A Late Night Panic
It was 2:14 AM. I know the exact time because the glowing red numbers on our kitchen microwave were burning into my retinas while I swayed back and forth, doing that desperate zombie-mom bounce. I was wearing my husband Mark's...
I Want My Baby Back Ribs: A Parent's Guide to BBQ Survival
The greatest lie ever sold to modern fathers is the myth of the Sunday Barbecue Patriarch. You know the bloke. Heβs standing on a pristine patio holding a pair of silver tongs, staring thoughtfully into a massive matte-black smoker for...
What Is A Baby Booter? Decoding My Late Night Parenting Typos
I'm currently sitting on my living room rug matching tiny socks in the dark, trying desperately to keep my eyes open. Out here in the rural Texas hill country, 2 AM is incredibly quietβjust the hum of the AC, a...
The 3 AM Search For A Baby Doll Batman Sent Me Down A Weird Rabbit ...
It's 3:14 AM, and the amber glow of my phone screen is the only light in a room that currently smells heavily of Calpol and desperation. Maya (Twin A, currently operating with the feral energy of a raccoon trapped in...
The 3 AM Plastic Crisis & The Truth About Baby Einstein Toys
It was 3:17 in the morning, November 2017, and I was wearing my husband Dave's oversized college sweatpants with an unidentified gray stain on the knee. I was doing that frantic, desperate bounce-sway dance with my four-month-old daughter Maya, who...
Dear Past Sarah: The Truth About That Perfect Light Blue Paint
Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago, It's 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and you're sitting on the gross beige rug in the living room wearing Daveβs stained Villanova hoodie. You're drinking lukewarm French roast from a mug that has...
The atom bomb baby panic and why you need to log off right now
It's two in the morning and the blue light from the television is flickering down the hallway of my Chicago apartment. My husband is awake, playing that massive post-apocalyptic video game again. The volume is turned down to a mere...