How The Britney Spears Adopt A Baby Rumor Broke My Brain At 3 AM
Listen y'all, it was exactly 3:14 AM. I know this because I was sitting on the cold linoleum floor of my walk-in pantry, eating a slightly stale handful of mini marshmallows out of a plastic bag, staring at the clock...
Why Parents Keep Posting For Sale Baby Shoes Never Worn Online
I'm currently sitting on the floor of Leoβs closet. Itβs Tuesday, somewhere around 11 AM, and I'm wearing a faded college t-shirt that smells vaguely of sour milk and desperation. I've an iced coffee next to me that was hot...
Baby Reindeer Reviews: The Netflix Show That Shocked My House
I was knee-deep in a laundry basket full of tiny socks that somehow all turn into singles in the dryer, when my oldestβthe one who tests every single gray hair on my head dailyβyelled from the living room that he...
That Viral Baby Oil Meme Made Me Rethink My Entire Nursery
It was 2:00 AM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on my living room floor surrounded by packing tape, trying to fulfill fourteen Etsy orders before my toddler woke up demanding string cheese. I had my phone propped up...
How to Nail a Baby Luigi Look Without Toxic Polyester Crap
I was sitting on the sticky laminate floor of our hallway at 4 PM on a Tuesday, drinking aggressively room-temperature coffee out of a chipped mug, trying to peel my screaming six-month-old out of a licensed character costume. The biggest...
The undeniable madness of the Ralph Lauren baby boy aesthetic
When my mate Dave's wife was expecting their first boy, the unsolicited wardrobe advice came thick and fast, arriving with all the force of a high-speed train. Dave's mum insisted he needed tiny little cable-knit cardigans to look "respectable" (respectable...
How Peppa Pig's New Arrival Fixed Our Sibling Transition Chaos
I was sitting cross-legged on a spectacularly stained rug, holding up a somewhat mangled stuffed rabbit and speaking in a high-pitched voice, trying to explain the concept of human gestation to my two-year-old twin daughters. They stared at me with...
Dear Past Tom: The Roblox Pill Baby is Not What You Think
You're currently standing in the kitchen, holding a half-eaten, slightly tepid fish finger, staring at your nine-year-old nephew, Leo. He has just wandered in from the living room, barely looking up from his iPad, to casually ask if he can...
That 3 AM "Sherry Baby" Google Search That Actually Saved My Sanity
It was 3:14 AM and I was wearing a pair of gray sweatpants that had a mysterious crusty stain on the left knee which could have been spit-up or maybe hummus from two days ago. The biggest lie they tell...