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A dad looking exhausted while holding two newborn twins in blankets

The gloriously absurd reality of making a test tube baby in your 30s

"So," my Great-Aunt Maureen leaned in over a plate of increasingly stale buffet sandwiches at a family wedding, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Are they test tube babies?" I looked down at my twin girls, who were currently...

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6-month-oldeco-friendlyfeedinghealthparenting humourSolid Food & Finger Food
A confused dad holding a box of infant rice flakes while his baby looks away.

The Firmware Update on Rice Cereal For Babies and First Foods

I was standing in aisle four of our local Portland New Seasons market, staring blankly at a cardboard box of beige dust, desperately checking the version history on baby feeding protocols. My 11-month-old was securely strapped to my chest, actively...

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A confused dad looking at his phone while an 11-month-old baby plays on a wooden gym.

The Baby Ruth Conundrum: Candy Hazards & Expert Parenting Truths

Last Tuesday, my mother casually suggested I rub some whiskey on my 11-month-old's swollen gums and hand him a chunk of a baby ruth candy bar to chew on while I made dinner. Two hours later, my neighborβ€”a veteran dad...

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A tired mom holding a coffee mug looking down at the kitchen floor in shock.

My 3 AM Kitchen Panic: Finding Baby Roaches Near the Bottles

It was exactly 3:14 in the morning. I know this because my eyes were burning holes into the neon green numbers on the microwave clock while I stood completely frozen on the cold kitchen tiles. I was wearing these hideous,...

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Tired mom staring at a wall of infant probiotic drops in a pharmacy aisle

The Huge Lie About Infant Gut Health And What We Actually Did

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing Dave's old college sweatshirt that smelled faintly of spit-up and big despair. I was holding our four-month-old, Maya, who was doing that terrifying rigid-board back-arch thing while screaming at...

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A mother sitting on the grass next to a shallow backyard tub

My pediatrician's brutal rules for surviving summer water play

I was standing in my tiny Chicago backyard with a garden hose in one hand and a giant, deflating aesthetic swan in the other. My son was barely four months old, shivering violently in a designer swimsuit that cost more...

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A confused dad looking at jars of organic baby food in the grocery store.

Debugging dinner: My panic-induced deep dive into organic baby food

It was Tuesday night, 6:14 PM, and my kitchen looked like a crime scene involving a very small, very angry sweet potato. My wife, Sarah, was trying to scrape orange sludge off the ceiling while I sat on the floor,...

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An exhausted dad looking at a pediatric dosing chart on his phone

Debugging The Stomach Bug: A Dad's Guide To Pedialyte For Babies

There I was at 2:14 AM, standing in the kitchen in my boxers, holding a plastic cup of Portland tap water while my 11-month-old son aggressively formatted his own hard drive all over my shoulder. The dad-logic in my sleep-deprived...

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Mom sitting on living room floor surrounded by baby feeding gear and wooden toys.

The Truth Behind the Sugar Baby Movie Hype for Modern Parents

Dear Past Jess, It's two in the morning, and I'm currently sitting on the floor of our living room here in rural Texas, staring at a laundry basket that looks like it's actively reproducing. I'm peeling a mysterious, crusty substance...

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