The Truth About Burtβs Bees Infant Gear: A Dad's Guide
At approximately 3:14 am last Tuesday, I found myself trying to locate my daughter Aliceβs foot inside a yellow sleepsuit that appeared to have been tailored for a medium-sized golden retriever. I was sweating, the baby was screaming, and the...
Decoding Baby Quilt Dimensions When You Can't Put Them in a Crib
I'm sitting on the hardwood floor of our Portland apartment with a Stanley tape measure, surrounded by six different square-ish blankets, trying to categorize them by surface area. It's exactly three weeks after the baby shower. My wife, Maya, is...
Raising a Baby Queen: The Brutal Truth About Royal Parenting
At precisely 4:12 on a Tuesday morning, I found myself executing a deep, entirely unironic bow to a person who had just soiled herself up to the shoulder blades. My mother-in-law had visited the day before, bearing a rhinestone-encrusted tiara...
Dear past Priya: what I wish I knew about that first photoshoot
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently sitting on a sterile puppy pad in a stranger's living room studio, sweating through your nursing bra while a woman named Crystal adjusts a giant ring light. You have a fresh milk...
The Ultimate Man vs Baby Guide: Debugging First-Year Fatherhood
Portland rain is violently smacking against the nursery window, and I'm staring at a dual-screen monitor setup that used to be only for gaming, but is now dedicated to a massive spreadsheet that's fundamentally mocking my existence. It's 2:14 AM....
The Brutal Truth About Little Me Baby Clothes and Newborn Wardrobes
I'm currently sitting on my bedroom floor, staring at a miniature tweed blazer on a tiny wooden hanger. My mother-in-law sent it for the baby, and bless her heart, she means well. But my six-month-old currently spends his waking hours...
The Stork Baby Myth and the Brutal Reality of Postpartum
My mother-in-law walked into my Chicago apartment holding a massive stuffed white bird with a little cloth bundle in its beak. She placed it right next to the bassinet, beaming with that specific kind of grandmotherly pride. I just stared...
Why your favorite audio show won't patch your infant's firmware
Itβs 3:17 AM. The Portland rain is aggressively smacking against the kitchen window. I've exactly one AirPod in, listening to some pediatric sleep guru explain the best ambient temperature for a nursery, while my sonβan 11-month-old dictator I lovingly refer...
The 45-Minute Fakeout: Surviving The Twilight Sleep Phase
It was 7:42 PM on a Tuesday. I know this because the microwave clock was glaring at me in neon green, mocking the mug of coffee I had reheated four times since noon and still hadn't taken a single sip...