New Baby What You Wishing For? The Brutal Truth About The First Year
I'm standing in my tiny, unventilated bathroom at 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, wearing a pair of mesh hospital underwear that I've somehow managed to launder and reuse because I refuse to let them go, holding my firstborn,...
A Dad's Guide to Newborn Investment Accounts and Dictator Logic
Dear Marcus from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the floor of the nursery surrounded by three different W-2 forms, a half-eaten sleeve of stale saltines, and your phone open to a deeply unhinged Reddit thread about IRS Form...
The $1200 Stroller Lie and What You Actually Need
I was standing in a high-end Dallas baby boutique, six months pregnant with my first, staring at a $1,400 stroller that looked like a sleek European spaceship while my husband nervously checked our checking account balance on his phone. The...
Why Your Screaming Newborn Is Basically A Hairless Baby Toucan
I spent three solid months before my oldest was born painting his nursery the perfect shade of 'oatmeal' and buying tiny, stiff linen button-downs that cost more than my weekly grocery budget. My oldest kid is basically a walking cautionary...
Note to past Priya: The truth about the baby toon and choking
Dear Priya from last November. You're currently staring at a bowl of mashed sweet potato and sweating through your scrubs. Your hands are shaking because ten minutes ago he choked. Or you thought he choked. He went red, his eyes...
Why my timeline for a new baby sister is completely broken
I was staring at a plastic stick with two bright pink lines on our bathroom counter, right next to a half-chewed rice rusk that Leo, my 11-month-old, had abandoned to go fight the bath mat. My wife picked up the...
Baby Sprinkle Invitations: Navigating Version 2.0
My mom texted me at 7:00 AM on a Tuesday to declare that asking for gifts for a second baby is "fundamentally tacky." Three hours later, my coworker Dave slapped my desk and announced I needed to bully our mutual...
Surviving the Baby Sling Carrier When You Have Zero Coordination
I was standing in the kitchen at two in the afternoon, wearing yesterday's t-shirt and draped in five meters of stretchy jersey fabric, looking less like a modern father and more like a deeply depressed Roman senator. Twin A was...
Did Kat Timpf Have Her Baby? A Brutally Honest Look At Her Birth
Listen, the biggest lie we tell pregnant women is that if you just buy the right organic nipple butter and write a color-coded birth plan, you'll glide into motherhood on a cloud of oxytocin. I used to stand in the...