Melanie Martinez Cry Baby: My Late Night Parenting Heart Attack
It was 10:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing a pair of sweatpants that had a questionable stain on the left knee—probably yogurt, possibly paint, I really didn't want to investigate—when my smart speaker decided to traumatize me....
The truth behind the prom night dumpster baby joke and your teen
I was charting in the pediatric ER when I heard that awful cartoon musical number playing from a teenager's phone in the waiting room. You know the one. A catchy little tune about a newborn left in the trash after...
Why That Cry Baby Album By Melanie Martinez Is Not For Kids
I run a small Etsy shop making custom embroidered baby items, and about two weeks ago, I got the weirdest message. A customer wanted me to stitch the words "Sippy Cup" and "Cry Baby" in dripping black gothic letters across...
Why the Bhad Babie Only Fans Era Keeps This Twin Dad Awake
The bluish glow of my phone was beautifully illuminating a fresh, crusty patch of spit-up on my left shoulder at 3:14 AM when the algorithm decided I desperately needed to know about a teenager's multi-million dollar adult content empire. One...
Baby Driver Actor Dead: The Reality Check We Didn't Ask For
I was sitting in my freezing Honda CRV in the Target parking lot when the notification popped up. It was December 2024. The heater was barely working, and my toddler was finally asleep in the back after a forty-minute screaming...
Letter to Past Me: That Sorry Baby Movie Is Definitely Not A Comedy
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the faded living room rug in your yoga pants, elbow-deep in a mountain of mismatched toddler socks, staring blindly at the streaming menu. Your oldest is trying to feed his...
Finding A Sugar Dating Platform On My Niece's Phone Broke My Brain
There I was, elbow-deep in a laundry basket of spit-up stained onesies on my back porch, trying to untangle a rogue sock from my toddler's overalls while swatting away Texas mosquitoes. My nineteen-year-old niece was visiting from college and had...
What The Bhad Bhabie Cautionary Tale Teaches Modern Parents
Listen. Last week, my mother-in-law told me I should delete every single photo of my toddler from the internet because the world is entirely composed of predators. The next morning, a fellow nurse at the clinic insisted I need to...
The Truth About Baby Kia: A Letter To My Past Parenting Self
You're sitting in traffic on the M25. The rain is hammering against the windscreen of the Vauxhall Astra, and the heater is blasting a smell that can only be described as warm, wet digestive biscuit. In the passenger seat is...