How The Britney Spears Adopt A Baby Rumor Broke My Brain At 3 AM
Listen y'all, it was exactly 3:14 AM. I know this because I was sitting on the cold linoleum floor of my walk-in pantry, eating a slightly stale handful of mini marshmallows out of a plastic bag, staring at the clock...
Decoding the Weird Joker Baby Suit Panic Sometime Around 3 AM
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday when my 11-month-old's thermal management system completely crashed. We were trying to do a quick family photo in the living room, and my mother-in-law had aggressively gifted us a tiny, three-piece synthetic tuxedo....
The Viral Baby Pelican Meme and What We Actually Learn from Seabirds
It was 3:17 AM, and my oldest sonβwho's now five and is my daily cautionary tale of why we don't negotiate with emotional terroristsβwas screaming his head off for the fourth time that night. I was scrolling Tumblr in the...
What a Netflix Stalker Taught Me About Toddler Firewalls
The blue glow of the television is casting long shadows against the living room wall, and I'm completely frozen. It's 2:13 AM. My son is currently asleep on my chest, a thin line of drool connecting his cheek to my...
Why The Sudden Obsession With Baby Rosalina Threw Me For A Loop
It was exactly 4:12 PM on a rainy Thursday, and I was wearing my husband Dave's oversized college sweatshirt which smells faintly of old garlic and desperation, staring completely dead-eyed at our living room TV. Maya, my seven-year-old, was sobbing...
Baby Saja Demon Form: Pop Culture Lore vs My Real Witching Hour
It was exactly 5:14 PM on a Tuesday, which is historically the worst possible time to be alive in my house, when my seven-year-old Maya walked into the kitchen wearing one of my expensive black eyeliner pencils smeared completely across...
What the Gracie Abrams Nepo Baby Drama Taught Me About Parenting
I was sitting in the driver's seat of my Subaru in the Target parking lot at roughly 4:15 PM on a Tuesday, wearing gray sweatpants that had an unidentifiedβand honestly, highly suspiciousβstain on the left knee. It was like 84...
Does the baby die in Squid Game Season 3
I was thirty-eight minutes into episode four, balancing a sleeping infant on my left breast and a bowl of cold dal on my right thigh, when I aggressively hit pause. My husband flinched from the other side of the sofa...
The Diddy Baby Oil Meme: A Warning Letter To My Past Parenting Self
Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold hexagonal tiles of the downstairs bathroom, wearing that baggy gray college hoodie with the mysterious bleach stain near the pocket. Your cold brew is sitting precariously on...