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Stop Writing Terrifying Advice In Your Baby Shower Cards
Picture this. You're trapped on a velvet armchair in a room that smells aggressively of buttercream and eucalyptus. Twenty women, ranging from your childhood best friend to your partnerβs distant aunt, are staring at you. You're sweating through your maternity...
Stat Baby Boyfriend: Surviving The Newborn Phase Together
It was 2:14 in the morning and my shoulder was covered in something that smelled like old yogurt. Our baby boy was doing that silent, terrifying breath-holding thing that happens right before a lung-shattering scream. My boyfriend was standing in...
What Keke Palmer Baby Daddy Drama Taught Me About Boundaries
I'm sitting on the cold tile floor of my sisterβs bathroom at 2 AM, wearing yesterdayβs yoga pants with a weird yogurt stain on the knee, holding a lukewarm cup of coffee I've literally microwaved three times. My sister is...
I Want You To Be Mine Again Baby: Fetty Wap & Postpartum Love
Before the twins were born, I made the fatal error of asking people for advice on what to play for them audibly. My mum, firmly rooted in the pseudo-science of the late nineties, insisted that playing classical symphonies would instantly...
Why the Term Baby Momma Needs to Die (A Tired Dad's Perspective)
I'm standing in the queue at the local Tesco, holding a basket containing only industrial-strength coffee, a multipack of wet wipes, and a bottle of Calpol, when the bloke behind me decides to strike up a conversation. He's wearing sunglasses...
Reading Detransition Baby Changed How I Look at Modern Motherhood
I'm literally sitting on my hideous green velvet sofa at 5:43 AM, aggressively scrubbing a splotch of hardened spit-up off the crinkly plastic dust jacket of a library book. I'm wearing my husband Markβs oversized college sweatpantsβthe ones with a...
The uncomfortable baby daddy meaning in modern co-parenting
The waiting room of pediatric cardiology smells like industrial floor cleaner and stale terror. I was sitting there last Tuesday, balancing my squirming toddler on one hip while trying to fill out a medical history form with my non-dominant hand....
The Reality of the Have A Baby With Me Daniel Caesar Lyrics
I was on my hands and knees in our South London flat, using a blunt butter knife to chisel hardened Weetabix off the skirting board, when Spotifyβs algorithm decided to serve up a heavy dose of R&B. The song sounded...
She's Having a Baby: A Clueless Dad's Guide to Newborn Survival
Don't pack an extension cord, a multi-port USB hub, and three different bluetooth speakers in the hospital bag. This is my first and most critical piece of advice. I was standing in our Portland living room with a color-coded spreadsheet...