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The 3AM Baby Monster Phase: Surviving Toddler Night Terrors
My mum told me to leave a small saucer of milk under the bed to appease the spirits. The bloke at our local pub, a man who has clearly not parented a child since 1982, suggested I simply tell the...
Dear Past Priya: Your Newborn Is Basically Just a Baby Monkey
You're currently standing in the hallway at 3:14 AM, swaying like a seasick sailor. There's spit-up on your left shoulder that has dried into a crust. Your feet are aching, your back is completely shot, and the tiny human in...
How to Actually Use Lullabies Without Losing Your Mind
It was 3:14 AM with my oldest, Carter, and the nursery glider was making this rhythmic, high-pitched squeak that felt like it was drilling directly into my skull. My throat was completely raw from singing "You Are My Sunshine" for...
The ugly truth about baby loungers and your precious sleep
I was sitting in my living room last Thanksgiving when my sister-in-law proudly whispered that her newborn had been asleep for three hours in one of those plush, overstuffed infant nests on the sofa. She looked at me like she...
The day I thought a rap star was a Scandinavian stroller
Tuesday, 4:15 PM. The rain is violently attacking our living room windows and I'm wearing a pair of black maternity leggings that haven't seen the inside of a washing machine since the Obama administration. I'm holding my third lukewarm coffee...
What Baby Justin Bieber Taught Me About 3 AM Survival
It was 3:17 AM, and I was wearing my husband Dave’s oversized college hoodie that smelled faintly of sour milk and complete desperation. Leo, who was exactly four weeks and two days old at the time, was doing that arching-back,...
Winter With Twins: A Freezing Dad's Guide to Infant Layering
Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently standing in the narrow, draughty hallway of our Victorian terrace, sweating profusely through your jumper while trying to stuff Evie's left arm into a fleece-lined snowsuit. Isla is already dressed and currently...
The Reality of Fitting a Baby Grand Piano in a House with Toddlers
I'm currently on my hands and knees in the lounge, holding one end of a metal tape measure while Maya, who's two, tries to eat the other end. Her twin sister, Lily, is repeatedly smashing a wooden spoon against the...
Why the Baby Got Back Lyrics Actually Make Terrible Parenting Advice
2:14 AM. Tuesday. I'm wearing Dave's old college sweatpants with a mysterious, crusted-over yogurt stain on the knee, desperately bouncing a screaming three-week-old Leo while whisper-rapping the words to Sir Mix-a-Lot in the dark. You know the exact scene from...