Magazine
Why Searching For A Baby Boy Movie Is A Terrible Weekend Idea
It was 6:14 AM on a Sunday, the coffee hasn't kicked in, and my 11-month-old son was aggressively trying to dismantle the living room router. I just wanted twenty minutes of peace. I grabbed the Apple TV remote, typed "baby...
The Baby Bottle Pop Hack That Actually Works (And What Fails)
Dear Sarah from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the cold kitchen tiles at 2:14 AM wearing that grey Def Leppard t-shirt—the one with the hole in the left armpit that smells vaguely like old French roast and pure...
Letter to Past Me: How to Survive the Real-Life Baby Boss Phase
It’s 6:43 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm sitting on the cold linoleum of the kitchen floor wearing the grey sweatpants with the mystery yogurt stain on the left thigh, clutching a mug of tepid French roast like it’s a...
The Blunt Truth About Retractable Baby Gates (And My Worst Night)
It was 6:15 PM, I had a half-empty jar of marinara sauce tucked under my left arm, a screaming six-month-old anchored on my right hip, and my two-year-old was actively trying to feed the dog a AAA battery he found...
Letter to Past Marcus: The Patch Notes on RSV Vaccine Babies
I'm sitting here in the dark watching the Govee hygrometer on the nursery dresser tick from 48% to 49% humidity, listening to the rhythmic, slightly squeaky breathing of our eleven-month-old. The Portland rain is currently hammering against the window with...
Why The Simone Biles Baby Rumors Make Me Rethink Family Boundaries
My mother-in-law was hovering a forkful of heavily buttered mashed potatoes in mid-air when she casually asked if we had started trying for "the sequel" yet, which is a genuinely wild thing to ask someone who hasn't slept for a...
The yellow baby panic and other postpartum surprises
Three in the morning. The cheap humidifier is humming in the corner, throwing a weird blue light across the bassinet. I'm staring at my newborn son's face, trying to figure out if the bulb is casting strange shadows or if...
The Tush Baby Survival Guide: Why I Wear a Tactical Hip Shelf
We were somewhere near the dinosaur skeletons at the Natural History Museum when my left bicep finally went on strike. Maya had decided the floor was lava, Chloe had decided the pram was a medieval torture device, and I was...
The Absolute Messy Truth About Finding Unique Baby Names in 2024
I was thirty-two weeks pregnant, sitting at the nurse station at Northwestern Memorial, staring blankly at a patient chart. The poor kid had a name with five consecutive consonants and a silent q. My shift was ending, my ankles looked...