Magazine
The Real Reason Babies Never Actually Sleep With Custom Blankets
There's a massive disconnect between the baby gear you think you need before the kid arrives and the reality of keeping a tiny human alive. Before our son Leo was born, my mental image of fatherhood involved a lot of...
Is Cry Baby John Waters For Kids? (Plus Actual Infant Crying)
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was pretty sure I was hallucinating. Leo was six weeks old and screaming like I was actively harming him, his tiny face turning a shade of purple I didn't know existed...
Skip the 90s Movie: How to Actually Soothe a Screaming Baby
It's 3:14 AM. I'm standing barefoot on the cold linoleum of my kitchen, frantically typing into my phone with my left thumb while my right arm is going completely numb from holding a rigid, screaming infant. In my sleep-deprived delusion,...
The Truth About Crocheted Baby Blankets (And Keeping Toes Attached)
It was 2am, roughly six weeks before the twins were due, and I was sweating profusely over a plastic hook and a spool of aggressively yellow yarn. I had somehow convinced myself that real fatherhood began with mastering basic patterns...
Surviving the evening screams with your sanity mostly intact
There was a specific time, 6:13 PM to be exact, when the atmosphere in our London flat would shift from manageable chaos to complete psychological warfare. You could set a watch by it. The girls would be lying there, looking...
The Real Truth About That Free Baby Dragon Emote Code Situation
My mom told me to take the iPad, wrap it in a beach towel, and bury it in the backyard next to the old pecan tree where the dogs couldn't dig it up. Tyler, the sixteen-year-old neighbor who comes over...
My 3 AM breakdown over a 700-year-old pregnancy prediction chart
Listen, the bathroom tiles were freezing against my bare legs, and my phone screen was turned down to that barely-visible dim setting so I wouldn't wake my husband. I was exactly seven weeks pregnant. I felt like I had swallowed...
Why I Applied Chinese Baby Traditions to My British Twins
It was 9:47 PM on a Tuesday, roughly four months before our lives permanently imploded, when my wife—who was at that point roughly the size and shape of a medium family car—aggressively tapped her phone screen and demanded I calculate...
Navigating The CD Baby Login Confusion And Infant Auditory Rules
I was sitting on my laundry room floor at two in the morning with my oldest, trying to drown out his colic screams by frantically scrolling through my phone. My mom had just texted me, "Bless his heart, just get...