Magazine
Why The Baby Thinking Meme Is Actually Real Life In Our House
It's 3:14 AM on a particularly damp Tuesday in London, and I'm currently locked in a psychological standoff with a 14-pound dictator. The house is completely silent, save for the distant hum of a night bus and the sound of...
Late Night Feeds And The Baby Trapped By The Billionaire Obsession
When the twins were born, everyone had brilliant, entirely conflicting theories about surviving the night feeds. My mum swore by keeping the room pitch black and humming ancient Celtic lullabies. The NHS health visitor suggested doing complex mental maths to...
Why Looking At Baby Turtles For Sale Was My Rookie Dad Mistake
It was 10:45 AM on a Saturday, raining sideways in Portland, and I was hiding from my own house. My wife was attempting to get our 11-month-old to take his morning nap, a process that currently resembles negotiating a hostage...
Surviving the Second Baby: Real Talk on the Two Under Two Chaos
I was sitting on the cold tile edge of our bathtub, leaking breastmilk through my only semi-clean t-shirt, while my 18-month-old methodically unrolled three entire rolls of toilet paper directly into the sink. I couldn't stop him because I was...
Are You Raising A Baby Tyrant Or Just A Normal Toddler
We were standing in the kitchen on a Tuesday. Dev was holding a blue plastic cup. I had just handed him the blue plastic cup because, three seconds prior, he had demanded the blue plastic cup. He looked at the...
The Brutal Truth About Baby Washcloths And Infant Bath Time
I'm currently staring at a grayish ring of curdled formula trapped in the third chin fold of my toddler. It smells vaguely like a frat house basement. My mother-in-law would probably tell me to fetch the soap and a heavy...
Why I Stopped Treating My Baby's Weight Percentile Like a High Score
The crinkly paper on the exam table was already soaked with drool by the time Dr. Miller walked in holding the printout. I was bouncing our eleven-month-old on my hip, trying to keep him from disassembling the otoscope on the...
Dear Past Sarah: Everything To Know About The Baby Whale Phase
Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago, You're currently hiding in the downstairs half-bath. I know this because I remember the exact smell of the lavender air freshener you're stress-spraying, and I know you're wearing those black Lululemon leggings with...
Finding Rare Beanie Babies In The Attic (And Why I Panicked)
Dear Priya from last October. You're sitting on the concrete floor of your parents' garage in Naperville, surrounded by cardboard boxes that smell like old rain and mothballs. Your mom is upstairs texting you asking if you found the baby...