Magazine
The Truth About Baby Overalls (And Why I Was Totally Wrong)
It was October 2017, and I was standing in the microscopic, dimly lit bathroom of a neighborhood café wearing a silk blouse I had absolutely no business wearing as a new mother, staring down at my six-month-old daughter Maya who...
So Your Kid Found Baby Owls in the Yard (Put the Bird Down)
I was elbow-deep in cold soapy dishwater trying to scrape crusty oatmeal out of a bowl when my oldest marched through the back door with her hands cupped together like she was holding a sacred treasure. "Mama, I found Hedwig's...
How to Take a Baby Passport Photo Without Losing Your Mind
My mom told me I had to physically hold my three-week-old’s head up from behind the scenes like a puppeteer to get his picture taken. The lady at the local pharmacy counter swore the only way was to photograph him...
What the Story of Baby Patrick Taught Me About Surviving Fatherhood
Before we even left the hospital car park, the senior midwife leaned into my personal space with the gravity of a seasoned war general and whispered that I absolutely must do skin-to-skin contact for exactly forty-five uninterrupted minutes a day...
The Absolute Chaos of Trying to Make My Kid Wear Baby Perfume
It’s 2:14 PM on a Tuesday in 2017, and I'm standing over my bathroom sink in maternity leggings that haven’t been washed in—actually, I really don't want to know how many days—frantically scrubbing a tiny, furious newborn with a wet...
Surviving the great baby shark costume incident that nearly broke me
I was kneeling on the kitchen linoleum at 4:35 pm on a rainy Tuesday, frantically sawing at a yellow polyester chest cavity with a butter knife while muffled, upbeat electronic music mocked my failures. Maya, who's two and possesses the...
Debugging My Yard: Surviving the Juvenile Copperhead Panic
I was standing completely frozen in the wet grass holding a plastic watering can like it was a broadsword, staring intensely at a patch of overgrown clover. My smartwatch was aggressively buzzing on my wrist, alerting me that my heart...
Dear Past Me: Let's Talk About Baby Constipation And The Panic
You're sitting on the edge of the bathtub right now, staring at a dry diaper under the harsh bathroom light. The exhaust fan is rattling above you. It's three in the morning, and you're exhausted, holding a sleeping infant against...
Is Your Baby Constipated? The Great 3 AM London Nappy Standoff
It was 4:14 AM on a Tuesday when Florence began her impression of an Olympic weightlifter attempting a personal best. Her face turned a shade of crimson I previously thought was reserved for London buses, her tiny knees pulled up...