The Michelin Man Dilemma: Why Puffy Winter Baby Suits Terrify Me
November 2022. It's three degrees above freezing in the Sainsbury’s car park, a uniquely British kind of damp cold that seeps directly into your bones. I'm sweating profusely through a thin t-shirt while trying to forcefully fold my six-month-old daughter,...
Why That Viral Froggy Newborn Portrait is Actually a Photoshop Trick
I was scrolling social media at three in the morning during a seemingly endless feeding session when I saw it. A newborn, maybe six days old, propped perfectly upright with their tiny chin resting on their folded hands. The classic...
The Absolute Madness of Picking the Right Baby Pink Color Code
I'm standing in the paint aisle of B&Q at 8:15 on a Tuesday, trying to wipe half-digested porridge off my trousers, when the teenager behind the mixing counter asks me which specific shade of pale pink I want. I look...
When Your Infant Becomes a Baby Rhino: A Hip Dysplasia Guide
I'm currently sitting on my living room rug surrounded by a mountain of expensive zippered cotton, trying to figure out how to shove a piece of rigid medical plastic inside a sleep sack without waking a sleeping infant or snapping...
What I Wish I Knew Before Buying a Bike Seat for My Baby
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the concrete floor of the garage, sweating through your favorite oversized t-shirt in this humid Texas heat, trying to decipher an instruction manual that appears to be written entirely in...
The absolute terrifying truth about baby aspirin 81 mg and your child
It was 3:14 in the morning. I know this because the glowing red numbers of the digital clock were burning into my retinas while Twin A screamed with the distinct, piercing octave reserved exclusively for a new molar. Twin B...
Why giving your toddler a baby stanley is a pediatric nightmare
Tuesday morning. My fourteen-month-old has both hands wrapped around the base of my forty-ounce metal tumbler, trying to deadlift it off the coffee table. He is vibrating with effort. The cup outweighs his head. He manages to tilt it just...
Why Looking At Baby Turtles For Sale Was My Rookie Dad Mistake
It was 10:45 AM on a Saturday, raining sideways in Portland, and I was hiding from my own house. My wife was attempting to get our 11-month-old to take his morning nap, a process that currently resembles negotiating a hostage...
The Michelin Man Myth: Dressing Your Baby for Winter Survival
It was November 2017, and I was standing in a Target parking lot sweating through my deodorant while the actual air temperature was roughly twenty-eight degrees. Maya was four months old at the time. I was wearing yoga pants that...