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Reclaiming The Title Of Baby Mama And Surviving Year One
My wife is asleep next to me, emitting a low, rhythmic wheeze that means she’s currently in deep REM, and I'm sitting in the dark, furiously scrolling through a Wikipedia rabbit hole about billionaires. I literally caught myself googling how...
Why raising a toddler feels exactly like domesticating a wild mammal
It was three in the morning and my son was slick with sweat, drool, and the unmistakable rage of a creature who had just discovered teeth. He was thrashing against my chest, refusing the bottle I was offering. I was...
What The Baby Garnet Case Taught Me About Postpartum Survival
Dear Sarah from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the cold bathroom floor at 3:14 AM. You're wearing Dave’s oversized gray fleece—the one from college that smells vaguely of sour milk and desperation—and you're staring at the grout lines...
What I wish I knew about elephant parenting six months ago
The timer on the phone says four minutes and twelve seconds. You're standing in the dark hallway outside the nursery, staring at the baseboard, listening to him scream. Your shoulders are touching your earlobes. You know the sleep training protocols...
Why Babydoll Dresses Are Secretly a Parent's Best Friend
It’s ninety-five degrees in East Texas, and my mother-in-law is trying to shoehorn my oldest child into a stiff, tulle monstrosity that looks like a wedding cake exploded. My kid is screaming like a feral cat in a church pew....
A Letter to My Past Self About Feeding Babies Corn & Poop Panic
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently holding a soiled diaper under the bathroom nightlight, poking at a perfectly intact yellow kernel and wondering if you've fundamentally broken your third child's digestive tract. Put the diaper down, wash your...
The Truth About the Baby Blues: Why You're Crying on the Floor
When I was pregnant with my first kid (bless my naive, perfectly rested little heart), everyone had an opinion on how I was going to feel after giving birth. My mom swore up and down that I'd be so overwhelmed...
The Truth About Wearing That Baby Blue Dress
When I was pregnant with Leo, my mother-in-law cornered me in a Target parking lot to inform me that wearing pale blue to my own baby shower would make me look "clinically exhausted." Two hours later, my wedding photographer friend...
Dear Exhausted Jess: The Baby Beluga Magic You Need Right Now
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're sobbing into a sour-smelling burp cloth right now. It's 3:14 AM. The baby is doing that rigid-plank scream that makes your own spine ache, the toddler is asleep in the hallway for some...