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I'm currently holding a half-eaten rice cake just out of frame while frantically making a noise I can only describe as a dying pigeon, hoping at least one of the twins will look at the camera for a fraction of...

It's 7:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I'm staring at a bright orange stain on my kitchen ceiling. I don't know the exact trajectory required for a seated eleven-month-old to launch root vegetables vertically, but the physics of it are...