When Do You Have A Baby Shower? A Dad's Guide to Timing
Dear Marcus from six months ago, You're currently sitting at your desk while the Portland rain hammers against the window, staring at a flashing cursor on a shared Google Calendar. You're trying to calculate the exact deployment window for a...
Why Are Babies So Cute? A Dad's Guide to Infant Hardware
My mom visited us in Portland last week and confidently announced that infants are adorable so we don't accidentally leave them in the woods when they haven't slept in three days. The very next morning, my lead developer coworker told...
Debugging the Baby Brezza Bottle Sterilizer: An Honest Dad Review
At 3:14 AM on a rainy Tuesday, I was standing over a pot of violently boiling water with a pair of silicone salad tongs, trying to fish out a breast pump flange without melting my fingerprints off. My wife was...
My Desperate Midnight Troubleshooting Guide for Baby Colic
It was 11:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I was holding my screaming daughter at a bizarre forty-five-degree downward angle over my left forearm because a guy named VapeLord88 on YouTube swore this specific posture would instantly "vent her chassis."...
How I Survived the Relentless Baby Crying Sound With Twin Girls
It was a Tuesday in mid-November, roughly 5:14 PM, when the air pressure in our London flat simply ceased to exist. I was holding a half-empty bottle of formula in one hand and a rogue, suspiciously damp sock in the...
The Real Baby Blue Background Nobody Warned Me About
I’m standing in bedroom three with a roller brush dripping Sherwin-Williams "Serene Sky" onto my favorite sneakers, feeling incredibly smug. I was building the ultimate calming environment. I honestly thought that establishing a literal baby blue background on the walls...
Why We Looked For Angel Baby Lyrics After Our World Stopped
I’m sitting in our Subaru outside the Fred Meyer on West Burnside, and the wipers are on the lowest setting, squeaking against the windshield every four seconds. My wife is staring blankly at the dashboard clock. In my hand, I've...
Navigating Baby Girl Showtimes: A Dad's Movie Survival Guide
My mother-in-law told me taking an infant to a movie theater would permanently short-circuit her developing brain. The guy who makes my oat milk cortado at the local coffee shop insisted that baby-friendly matinees are the only way new parents...
Is My Child an Alien Baby? A Troubleshooting Log for Past Me
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago. You're currently standing over the bassinet in the pitch black, holding your phone flashlight cupped in your palm so Sarah doesn't wake up, watching a tiny chest stop rising for what feels like...